I've been so confused about the whole thing that I've decided whatever he chooses will help me make the decision I need to regarding my future.
IF there are consequences to him deciding to get closure in person, just tell him. Right now you've told him to make the decision. If this is a test, that's not the right thing to do. Let him make an open-eyed choice. Men don't think the same way we do; spell it out and go from there.
For what it's worth, I think your H wants to be with you, but he's still reeling from the exposure and the PEA chemicals. If you guys go forward, you guys need MC and he probably needs a whole lot of IC himself to figure out why he entered into a long term affair so shortly after your M.
Make your decisions based on what YOU want and what YOU will/will not accept. Just make sure you spell it all out. You have nothing to lose from your honesty; THAT is what true detachment is.
I feel for you...this totally [censored]. Get clear on your boundaries and expectations, then lay it out. He will or will not agree; going from there allows you to make the best choice for yourself.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
