Well I lost it with H this morning...The thank you gift I planned on getting him for paying the bills this month wasn't available so I had my S26 pick up his Dad a T-Shirt from the local Motorcycle shop.
H came this morning with his gifts for the kids. I was in the kitchen baking. The kids were in the kitchen with me and H come in and joined us for a bit. I wished him a Merry Christmas as I went about my baking. After a bit they all retreated to the Family Room and I could hear the sounds of my family enjoying themselves while opening their presents. It took me back to happier times of Christmas past. It was almost as if I was watching a movie. I was there, but not part of it.
I took some cookies out of the oven, frosted them and took a plate into the Family Room and set them down and left. I was busy in the kitchen but couldn't help but over hear H tell stories about this gift or that gift and what he and ow went to get them. I admit that it was painful to listen to.
As H was getting ready to leave I asked if I could see him for a minute. I handed him the wrapped box and I thanked him again. I told him that what he had done allowed me to give the kids a Christmas from me and I really appreciated it. He said that`s what I did it for. During this exchange tears started to well up in my eyes and then slid down my cheeks. I was angry at myself for doing that as I've been strong during this for the most part. Anyway, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and wonder of wonders he didn`t pull away, in fact he leaned into it. I left and went back into the kitchen because I was still crying. He opened the gift and popped back into say thank you. I just said, you`re welcome.
H ended up staying a little bit longer standing at the door and talking to the kids. Seeing him leave was difficult. I had thought I was done, I guess I'm not, yet...
