Have you considered the possibility that your looking for/pushing for the O creates considerable pressure or anxiety in her?
Yes, but it's not just the O, she's never even let me attempt to give her one. She's always been OK stimulating me, and having intercourse, but she' never let me touch her private areas. She's OK with doing everything else in marriage, except for the yucky sexual touching and stuff, never mind having an O.
Your question seems to suggest we're having sex, and that I'm spending 20 minutes stimulating her, and she's not having an O. That's so far from my situation it's not even funny. Rather, after many years of not wanting to even try to have an O, I suggested that if she could think about that and TRY for it, sex might be more enjoyable. Well, that went over like a lead balloon.
Hey, it doesn't matter what I do, because it's always wrong. I have been given the advice that I need to stimulate my wife more so she can have an O, and why am I so inconsiderate as to not want to pay attention to my wife's pleasure? And if I take that advice, I'm given the advice that I'm putting my wife under too much pressure.
Yeah, I'm a guy who wants to have loving, erotic fun with my wife, and what could be more of a turnoff for a woman than that! Go ahead and laugh, but that's certainly been exactly my experience. And it's not that our relationship is otherwise bad. In fact, it's so good nobody thinks we're having any issues. It's just that she's "done with sex" and has no desire for it. Nothing wrong with that. It's just that I'm not happy it.
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That she fears you'll "keep at her" til she meets this requirement?
It's been several years now since I made any mention of orgasms. No pressure. Hasn't changed a thing.
The message I keep getting from other people is, if a woman doesn't want sex and orgasms, it's obviously because her man is doing something wrong. And then, anything he does is wrong.
