Getting completely detached isn't always realistic, B2BD. For many it's just not being so attached.
It was nice of you to cut her some slack, I find less tension is better for the kids, and better on your own heart. You're a good dad.
It is really hard when you aren't happy with the situation your kids are in and you lose control over it when they aren't with you. My kids had to go to their dad's for a month years ago--which was 300 miles away. It was terrible. They were about 7 and 2 years old then. (23 and 18 now) The better relationship you keep with your wife, not only helps your chances if you want to reconcile, but gives you more chance of weighing in on the things she does with them when you don't have them.
Wishing you the best, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
