Last night, at a Christmas party, a mutual friend told me that I needed to be patient; that she and my wife had spent many hours talking about our sitch and my wife still loves me very much. She told me that my wife is totally confused, doesn't know what to do, and she always breaks down crying during their talks. Like me, my wife is in pain; she asked me to giver her more time.
I asked her if she knew about my wife's affair. She claimed she didn't. So I repeated what I have already told my wife: if she ends the affair, I can wait for her; if she doesn't I need to move on with my life. It's her choice.
Later in the evening (1:00 a.m.,) when I was making my rounds to excuse myself from the other guests, this same "friend" told me that I was leaving too early and that I should be drinking more alcohol. My problem, she said, is that my wife is bored with me.
I believe this statement says more about wife and where she is in her life at the moment, than it says about me. Staying out all night drinking is not something that appeals to me at this point in my life. I did that in my twenties (before I met my wife). I don't like waking the next morning with a hangover. Instead, I'm well rested this morning and looking forward to my day.
My wife appears to be in a different place in her life than me. She was 18 when we met and perhaps she feels that she has missed out on certain experiences. I know that my "friend" is trying to be helpful, but I'm not interested in accommodating my wife's Mid-Life-Crises. If our life, together, became boring to her, it isn't solely my responsibility to change that. If the OM is providing her with a new exciting life, I have to let her go. I'm not going to compete with that.
After four month's of DBing, I realize that my changes are not for her--they are for me. I need to follow my own path. If my wife and I no longer share the same interests, that does not make me boring. My life goals and interests are more likely in line with someone ells. Nothing is meant to last forever.
