And have mercy on those ladies out there for God sakes!
Please listen to this ^^^^^ and remember your DB advice....
Go slow.....real slow......
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I just wanted to take a moment and wish everyone a happy holiday season!!!!!
I am still around....getting settled into my new job and life is good....NO....life is GREAT!!!!!
I can honestly say I have not been happier in my life. I have so many friends that care about me and I care about them....I only wish I had more time to spend with them and time to spend here on these boards.
I have taken so much from this place......it saved my life and I can only hope that I can return the favor!!!!!
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas...and hopefully I will be around a little more in the NEW YEAR!!!!!!!
Cheers!!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
You sound GREAT! I'm so glad that things are going well in your situation. I want to thank you for your insights, encouragement,..........and especially the gift of your masculine perspective during the past year.
I hope that you and your children have a fabulous Christmas! We will be looking forward to hear all about your holiday when you have time.
Time for an update on MHL !!!! and why not....Its Little Friday!!!
This morning I went to the courthouse and secured the date for my Divorce hearing.
On Friday, February 11, 2011, I will stand next to my wife of almost 18 years and ask a judge to grant me a divorce.
That sounded "Dramatic"......... what is more dramatic is to carry on this marriage as it is now......this I can no longer do. I guess I made the decision to get a divorce back in November, it really just hit me out of the blue one day. It was kind of hard to explain then.....I think I can better articulate it now.....
Over the last 19 months, I let this failed marriage and my W's MLC and her affairs define me. It really came to a head when I started dating about 2 months ago.....I was constantly explaining myself and why I was not yet divorced and all the other crap that went along with my story. I want to be able to simply say....."I'm Divorced". I no longer want the relationship I had with my W to define me or be used to explain where I am at in my life.
I used to be married and now I am not, I want it to be no different than, "I used to drive a Honda and now I drive a Ford".
As I have stated before, I have not closed the door on a relationship with my STBXW......if she thinks she wants to be with me at some point in the future, well I would evaluate that just as I evaluate any woman I choose to date or have a relationship with.
I only have one door......it is open and anyone can walk through it, my STBXW included.
Well, a little more on MHL's activities as of late.....I have been dating for the last 2 months and have met many very nice women and have been having a great time!!! For me it has reminded me of some of the things that I need to do to keep the attraction alive!!! I take care of myself, eat right, exercise, and don't take myself too seriously. This is how we should act in our marriages, that is.....trying to constantly "attract" our spouses.
You know DBing is something you do for LIFE, your never finished!!! I can say that I found myself experiencing some of the feelings I had when I was the "old" MHL. Feelings of neediness, co-dependency and letting my expectations of others affect how I feel. The difference now is that I recognize it and I "nip it in the bud". Soooooo, you are never really done DBing.
Here is where things get interesting
I have been dating for about 2 months and I actually had to tell my wife about it approximately 7 weeks ago because MHL picked up a "stalker".....LOL.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.....I can hear it now.....truly and honestly all I did was have coffee with her and exchange some texts and emails. This is not the point of what I want to say....the point is that my STBXW has known I have been dating also.
Well since that time things have "warmed up" considerably between me and the soon to be X-Mrs. MHL. With the exception of a one time mid-summer intimate encounter with my W, she has not shown any affection towards me at all in the last 19 months.
Without going into great detail there has been a couple of occassions where we have been together just me an her and there has been a lot of long hugs, hand holding and even some kissing (not pecks on the cheek).
I do not know who initiated the first time but now when we see each other we hug and kiss good bye and we always pause look at each other and laugh. Weird....Huh????
Last week we met for lunch so I could give her some money to get her through to the end of the month (she has paid me back, I would do this for anyone BTW). While at lunch I told her that I would be able to get a "courtdate for divorce" in 2 days......I said to her one last time, "Are you sure this is what you want??" without a hesitation she said, "Yes".
I said okay.....I explained that I was just asking given our physical interactions over the previous couple of weeks. Her response was, "Well I always want to be your friend, but I know you said that you would not be my friend in divorce". I shared with her that was true that it hurts to much to see you socially and be semi-intimate with you and know that you are giving your affections to other men because I will always love you and I am not talking about loving you because you are the mother of my children.
She started to cry at this point. WAS/MLCer's truly don't want to hurt us but they just can't bring themselves to stop. They are addicted and scared, THIS I KNOW FOR A FACT. I explained to her that I wanted to be sure that I had done everthing I could and given her every chance possible to save our marriage,............and that I now know I have done.
The other thing I realize is that she is still in the tunnel, deep....just from the things she said and how she is rationalizing her decisions. She may never come out or may come out after getting involved in another R with another man. I do not want her in my life in her current state of mind, so I am pressing forward with divorce....it is what I want.
That may be hard for some of you to hear......but who I am at my core will not allow me to continue to date people and remain married.
We shall see what happens from here, not even I know....the hugs and kisses and looks continue between us, and there is definitely a mutual physical attraction between us . It is really funny because I am fully detached. After I left her a couple of nights ago after taking some furniture to her, there was a long hug and kiss.....and after I felt no different than I do after I get a lucky goodnite kiss from one of the women I have gone out on a date with.
Well that is it for now, just know this about me......I have never been happier in my ENTIRE life....I am soaking up all life has to offer.......
"Life is Good and It is Good to be Alive"
Remember that always.........
Happy Little Friday!!!!!!
Cheers
~C
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
lol ... Eric can't be his stalker, their relationship is mutual ... I think it's Grit ... sneaky little devil only responds to texts occasionally, he's probably on the road, parked across from MHL's place with the binoculars...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
. It is really funny because I am fully detached. After I left her a couple of nights ago after taking some furniture to her, there was a long hug and kiss.....and after I felt no different than I do after I get a lucky goodnite kiss from one of the women I have gone out on a date with.