Well i had the kids all day yesterday and today, and she came to get them this evening. I think i messed up but ill tell you the whole of the story, she came inside and began talking to me (the kids were napping).
I began by telling her how the kids were and she was mainly silent offering input from time to time, then i asked her how her banquet was and she began telling me and went on to tell me basically a lot about what has been going on with her and work with me remaining silent and offering input from time to time. This continued for many minutes almost an hour, then things inevitably reverted to talking about what went wong between us and we shifted off it.
She then took me outside to show me what she had gotten our eldest daughter while out shopping, on our way out the door she asked why i never wore shorts while she was with me to which i said "i wasnt thin enough, and now im a lot thinner" she asked how much weight i had lost and all i said was "a lot".
The kids woke up and we began getting them ready to go,she said she still wanted to be friends and i said i couldnt do it to which she responded "well what was that in there?" and i said that it was too difficult. At this time i asked her if she still loved me to which she responded "of course, i cant just turn it off" and motioned as if flipping a switch, but insisted that she didnt want to end up like her mother (who had avery physically abusive relationship with her husband for quite some time before he ever changed).
I told her that i will never put my hands on her again ( i pushed her on the bed for those who dont know, while i was trying to go through her purse in front of her) unless she wanted me to, to which she responded "Touch me" in a lyrical tone like the old song and proceded to touch my arm and laughed. I asked her why she had to be so silly and she said its just who she is and i laughed.
I grabbed her coat and pulled close to her and she said i was too close and i said come here, and asked her if for my christmas present if she could give me a hug. She said ok and gave me a hug that lasted for about 10-15 seconds, when she withdrew i could almost see in her eys and her expression . . . i dont know the love i guess, that old loving feeling.
As i pulled away and she walked by me i said "be careful you almost touched my junk", she laughed and said sorry then actually brushed her hand on it and smiled and laughed. She also asked me at what time i wanted to see the kids and she agreed to bring them by around 7 or 8 pm, and then commented that she would just drop them off then leave. When she said that i responded "its my birthday tomorrow, you could at least spend a little bit of time with me" and she said ok.
As she was leaving i knocked on her window and told her "id rather have ou as a friend than nothing at all. But remember friends dont just call to ask about the kids." at this point i waved by to her and the kids and now im back to being alone again. Soooo . . . thoughts, input, maybe ideas about how i should handle tomorrow would be appreciated.
