Kaboom

[girlfromipanema]

Thanks, sg. His response was that he was here. His tie to me is greater because we are married, but it will be difficult for him to turn off his feelings for her overnight. Because I can be rational, I understand this, but it still hurts tremendously.

The truth is, I'd rather him cry and fall to his knees, telling me he knows I'm the one he only wants and loves. Should I be grateful that he does love me as well? I asked if he loved us 50/50 and he responded that he loves us differently...

I hate her and feel sorry for her. I hate him and love him equally at this moment. I want restitution. I want to be the bigger person, but a part of me wants to lash out at them both. Expose them to all who know and respect them so they can experience public shame and humiliation. That would be the only restitution I could have, but it wouldn't make me feel better in the long run because I know my motivation is for people that know all three of us to tell me what a fool he is and what a horrible friend she is. I don't even know if both of those things are true. Trying to make sense of this is so hard.

I haven't told anyone other than my best friend and the DB community.

Thanks for the support, as always. Love to all.