Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Sandi,
You got it right...that is what happened. The C had no idea she was going to say that which tells me my W was not being completely honest about the attachment to the A and the OM. She said she would do no contact, and I said I need transparency because the only time you truly stopped contacting him was when I had transparency...and then she said no. And I said so, with that, I have to assume you are just stalling till after Xmas...and she said yes.

I will make it through Xmas. Almost there. I am detaching more than I ever have before. I am the most detached I have ever been. I still have a ways to go, but am over half way there. W drove by a couple of places last night that she is looking at...and it made my heart rate jump a little to hear, but no sadness, no anxiety, no thoughts on how to change that...in fact, I started to want the relief that I know will come with Separation.

W also asked if I thought she was being "ridiculous about wanting to Separate." I took my time, formulated my response and said: no. You know what you want. I sense a lot of the same things I sensed this summer when you wanted that. You are determined to get what you want, so no, I would not use the term ridiculous.

Thought it was a pretty good response. And it wasn't a game.

The longer this carries out and the more I detach and really look at who she has become (or maybe has been all long), the more it would take for me to take her back. She needs help. She isn't being honest with herself, much less the C. I deserve better. I am finally believing that.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts.