thats a tough one for me. Because although it took me over a year to decide to let go of om in my heart, my relationship with my H never went platonic for more then a week.
are you really asking if you should just give up on your marriage? I am sorry but I feel like you feel the situation is totally hopeless as long as she talks to om so you feel you should just give up now and you want me to okay that for you???? only a feeling I have when reading your posts, I could be way off, thats why I ask.
One of the biggest problems I have with my H is because he would never let go of the sexual relations with me. Oh yeah he kept agreeing to but would not! he lasted the week we were seperated and maybe 3 days after comming home but thats it. nagged and begged and guilt tripped me into it. Actually thats one of the major things that holds me back from opening my heart to him now, was his selfishness and putting himself first when sex was such an emotionally painful experience for me. Before he got help for his drinking, our sex life was a nightmare for me. it started to get really bad when I was pregnant with our 3rd child who is now 5. he would hold me down and force himself on me. I would fight back and he would punch my legs and throw me around until he got his way. he would yell at me and call me a whore saying I was giving it out to everyone else and thats why I didnt feel like it with him. But he was drunk and smelled bad and of course I didnt want to. this why even today its hard for me to truly believe him when he goes on and on about how sorry he is for being such a monster before. When his actions speak so diferently. When he wasnt willing to accept no for an answer. then last night he was yelling at me telling me the only reason I didnt want to have sex with him back then was because I didnt want to be sleeping with two men and I belonged to om. This was not true!!! I only talked to om on the phone and email.
this is why this is dificult for me to answer your questions there. I know it takes time to move from a platonic relationship to a marital one. Remember you are kind of starting over yet slightly in the red. because you have a little further truck to go then you did the first time when you first met her. If you read ChrisJ's posts and threads, his W is no longer talking to om and hasnt for quite some time but they still have not reached the point of intimacy yet! check out his threads in "piecing our marriage back together" forum.
I dont know if I really answered your question here. this is the best answer I have for you.
I think you are doing good and on the right track. I know it must be dificult for you to be patient with all you have been through and getting your needs met right now. I understand the whole thing about men not feeling loved with out the intimacy. this is a tough ride you are on. try to focus on the positive steps forward you have acheived so far. I am sure she will need to feel in love with you again before she can be intimate. thats how I felt anyways.
