Crossroads

[Kemper]

Journaling:

I was talking with a friend yesterday and during the conversation became concerned that my W had lied to me the night before when we were out. Given that my biggest issue with her A is the lying and deceit I decided to sit down and write out a boundary.

When you lie, even about little things, I feel that there is no way that I could ever trust you again. I want to be able to trust you again.

If you lie to me again I will confront you so that we can determine if there is a misunderstanding. If you continue to lie I will move forward with our separation/divorce without any consideration for reconciliation.

I called W and asked if she had a few minutes to talk. I calmly brought up our discussion and how I felt that she had lied to me. I stated my boundary and she said that she totally understood, she wants me to be able to trust her and that she didn't lie and we discussed it.

The discussion then turned to us. At one point she started crying and said that it doesn't feel like sorry is enough. I told her that it was a start. She told me a story about talking with one of our friends who point blank asked her about the A. Our friend told her that he thought I would be able to forgive her. My W told him that she didn't think she could forgive herself. The conversation covered may topics around trust, reconciling taking work, not wanting to be anyones second choice, etc. I remained calm and validated her feelings during the conversation.

She called later and we just had some small talk around Christmas gifts for the boys. We had talked in the past about her coming to the house on Christmas morning to be here with the boys to open presents. I said the offer was still on the table. She said she didn't want to feel like a stranger in the house and would think about it.

Last night I attended a Christmas party with the boys at one of their friend’s house. Their friend happens to be a little girl that we met one day at a local indoor playground. Her mother is the one that introduced me to GF so of course the GF was there. The kids played and we ate before opening presents. After presents we headed home.

Disclaimer: As far as my sons are concerned my GF is just a friend. They don't see her often at all and they have only met her in neutral settings and there is no PDA when my sons are around.

When we left I noticed that my W called 3 times and sent a couple of texts. I called her back and told her that I was sorry I missed her calls but the phone was charging in the car. We had small talk about what she picked up for the boys for Christmas. Then she asked if I was with GF tonight. I told her that we were and she proceeded to say she had a friend over but wanted to talk today.

This morning I got a text from W. "I don't want to feel like I'm the second choice just like you don't" I responded with, "I completely understand. I don't want you to feel like you are second choice".

Since my last text 3 hours ago there have been no responses but I figured I would let W think about what it is she actually wants. She has not come out and stated that she wants to work on the M. She has not dropped OM or stated she intended to.

At this point I am just taking things one day at a time. I am trying to ensure my W feel comfortable during our conversations to see if she opens up more.

Happy Holidays to everyone. Do something good for yourself no matter where you are in your situation.