H talking D again.. after 3 mos. of piecing

[hbm]

Feeling so weak at this moment. Wishing that I did not want anything to do with him. How long before I stop caring? After all that he has put me through and I still love him. It hurts so much that I am in such pain while he seems to not have a care in the world and is happy as can be.

Devastating to know how easy I was to replace.

I saw yesterday the OW created a twitter acct. and they are "following" each other now. It made me sick to my stomach. I looked at her picture on there and thought what is it that she has that I don't? I can't help but try and compare myself to her which i know is stupid.

Please tell me that it will never work out for them and that I am better off without him. Please tell me that he is going to regret losing everything we had together. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but right now everything is new and exciting with her. Eventually the newness will wear off. What then?

I can't help but think about them together and it makes me sick. I am sure once I am moved out and gone he will be having her over to my house and in our bed. She will be playing with my dog. He says he won't have her over, but I don't believe that for a second.

We have two dogs and he is taking one and I am taking the other. So not only am I suffering the lost of my H, I am also suffering the loss of one of my dogs which to me are like my children.

I know I am going to get through this. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. I wish I could feel strong and secure all the time. I hate these moments of weakness.