I've been married for 18 1/2 years, and have two kids. I see your point about the communication thing. However, I do feel that he knew that I was unhappy, he just didn't want to deal with it. He was always so uptight and stressed and I just kinda floated around waiting for him to notice me. Even after he had been on the pills for a year. Dont get me wrong is was better and could sleep and sleep and sleep. But he was still rude to me and the kids. I think it was March of this year, he was driving down the driveway and I had my own panic attack. When he came in he started yelling and I looked up and thought is this it, is this all there is. A couple weeks later he got into it with our son about chores, and he was right to be upset, but he flew off the handle and my daughter called me at work to say please come home they are throwing stuff. My son packed to leave and my H says wait I don't want that At this same time I was already backing way off and hardly speaking. He tried to talk to me a few times and I just couldn't talk about it. When I finally could I asked to see a counselor, I thought maybe we could try to work and make it better. He said fine he thought I was depressed and needed to be put on drugs. He said he didn't need it but if I really wanted him to go he would. Here is the catch he didn't really want to go, he said he realized he been a complete aZZ for the last 18 years but after our son said he wanted to move out, he decided to change, so no more yelling. After about 4 weeks something was said about him joining me and he said he didn't want to go. A couple more weeks went by and I said that I was quiting, because there was no point doing MC with just me. That scared him I think, he said wait a minute you never said I had to go or that it was MC, I thought you were just working on yourself. Anyway we are in WC and they are having us go through the motions for couple of months. I guess the point is to see if I can do it.. If I can I guess I am suppose to stay if not I leave?? Really not sure. I don't like it it's very fake and it freaks me out. My H is really good at it sorta, he comes in and says hi sweethart, love of my life really really sweetly.. This from a man I barly got hi babe out of before, it feels really fake. He's complaining that I'm not trying because I don't do the same thing. I try I really do but when he starts the fake stuff, I just can't I want to be real. He isn't really talking to me now because of it. Anyway I am sorry for ranting I do realize there are two sides to every story and I haven't been the best W. All I ever wanted was for him to respect and love me and for 18 years I ajusted to his every mood. I worked harder at work, I thought if I did really well he would be proud of me, he never really noticed not even when I started making really serious money. I would try to talk to him and he would say I didn't know how to have a conversation and he wouldn't talk to me. He bought what he wanted but made me feel bad if I bought anything. I felt like an outsider in my own family. I could go on and on and on.. I'll stop now.
