Kaboom

[girlfromipanema]

Farscape was a great show. H and I used to enjoy watching it together. He loves SciFi... me, not so much, but Farscape was one I really liked.

H left the office not long ago, saying he was going to get something to eat. I had an uneasy feeling, so I sent him a text reminding him of my boundaries/requirements - that if contact occurs, I need to be notified. That it was a deal breaker if he didn't. That I wouldn't tolerate any continued deceit.

I felt horrible and bitchy for doing it.

He responded by saying he was at XYZ cafe, by himself and then would be stopping at Banana Republic, by himself.

I then replied that I hate that things have come to this, but my trusting nature didn't serve me well in the past and that I have to protect myself from further harm by making my expectations and boundaries clear and understood. That my level of tolerance was zero.

Did I make the correct call, sending that text and establishing my limits, which I already expressed to him verbally?

It doesn't feel good to be this way. It goes against my being, but I know that part of me (the trusting blindly part) helped him successfully carry out a 6 year affair. I must own the part I played and take action to change it.

I'm sure he wonders if this is what our future will be like and I wonder if I'll ever get to a point of being able trust him again.

I'm heading home to read more of "Not Just Friends". I also picked up a copy of "After the Affair". It was embarrassing to \
take that book to the cashier. He was an adorable young man, wearing a wedding ring and I could see a strange look come over him as he looked from me to the title of the book. I hope he treats his wife well and vice versa. Affairs are so rampant and I wonder if the human race is meant for monogamy...