Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I spent the day with Dad today. Mom phoned in the morning and said he was very upset and she was going to see him. I couldn't just sit at home when I heard that, so I drove down to the hospital. He was much calmer when I arrived. They stopped the morphine during the night because his blood pressure was low so he's not as happy a camper as yesterday. But today some nice things happened. My brother contacted my Dad's old Minister, who had moved to a new downtown church. It was his day off but he was in to see Dad this morning. When Dad saw him he burst into tears and hugged him. It was so wonderful to see. My sister also contacted Dad's old Minister from 20 years ago who lives out of town. He called Dad this morning and said he would drop by tomorrow. Also, the hospital Chaplain came to see him, the surgeon had put in the referral. Dad had a nice long chat with her and she gave him her card, told him that he could call her anytime during the day and in the evening he could call and another chaplain would come and see him if he wanted. She told us that Dad is a man of great faith who has so much left to live for and therefore so much to lose. She told him it was OK to be angry at God "throw whatever you have at him, God's heard it all before!" She said she'd come back tomorrow. So at about 3:30pm I'd had enough and said my goodbyes. It's so heartbreaking watching your father trying to puke into a little trough and he can't even do that! They gave him some medication to ease the urge to vomit. So, that's my day so far.
I went back to the hospital this evening, I just couldn't stand the thought of Dad spending the evening alone. I brought him a CD player and the CD's I'd bought him for Christmas. My sister was there but left shortly after I arrived. I sat with Dad, held his hand and let him talk. He told me how angry he is with God, how angry he is at the doctors who missed the diagnosis for months, he railed at politicians but he also talked about how he'd like to talk to his Cancer doctor to see if there is any experimental procedures he could try. He said "maybe it won't help me but it might help somebody else". I think the Chaplain this afternoon helped by giving him permission to be pissed at God, she told him that sometimes she swears at God. She told him he had a right to be angry at God, he just had the "crap kicked" out of him and he didn't deserve what was happening to him. So, I let him be angry tonight and just held his hand and empathized. Near the end of the visit he said "I really got myself worked up there didn't I?" and I replied "good for you Dad, you need to get it out." And Being Me I told him that he was your newest hero. He grinned and said "that's nice to hear" So, that's my night.
There is nothing I can say to ease your pain just that I totally understand everything that you are writing because I travelled the same road with my Mom. And I have no regrets because I was there for her and helped her through to the best of my ability.
Some things are not in our control. So we control what we can. And that should be to be a comfort to your Dad and an advocate for him if need be with respect to his care and his wishes.
Praying to God to give you the strength to cope. Also praying for your dad. Miracles do happen. I just experienced one.
I have gone through losing two grandmothers and an uncle to cancer, but I have not dealt with a health crisis to either of my parents so I cannot say I know how you feel. But I am thinking of you and your dad...
I'm feeling the same feelings I had when my marriage ended. In both instances it's the death of a R, a R that you thought would be forever. I just can't picture life without my father. He's been with me 52 years and he's not just my Dad, he's one of my best friends. We all know that one day our parents will be gone but somehow we never think it will happen. Just as when my M ended, I can't imagine ever feeling good again...but I know I will.
The R's we have with our parents, grandparents, siblings, children, best friends, etc. are forever, I believe. Someone has to be there to lead you to the other side, not so?! My parents passed away a long time ago; my dad in 1973 of cancer, and my mom five years later of asthma complications (I was there when she passed, rushing her to the hospital). You always remember the good things, the stories you can pass on to your children and grand-children. When your dad is feeling better, perhaps you can tape some stories about his life. That is one thing I wish I had ... more photos of my parents and grandmother (the only one I knew), and maybe a tape of them telling the favoured family stories, even the ones where they are teasing you.
And Wii, you will definitely feel good again.
Read Cancer 50 Essential Things To Do by Greg Anderson and Carl Simonton, if you get the time. Anderson had lung cancer, and was given 90 days to live in 1984. He is still alive today. Miracles happen, there is always hope.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks Being Me. I actually did pray for a miracle last night, I said "Lord, you say we should bring to you what we need and I'm asking for a miracle for my Dad..." That's what I want and if I don't get it, that's on God's head! God didn't give my Dad Cancer, our world gave him cancer with all the crap we put in our air, water and food. We live in a toxic sludge pool and then we say "why is there so much cancer". We did it. God gave us beauty and everything we needed to live long and prosperous lives but we messed it up. That's on our heads! Anyway, time to wrap my Christmas presents then I'm heading to the doctor's to get a refill on my sleeping pills. I don't know whether I'll need them or not but it's best to have them on hand. I need to be as rested as possible to get through this. Afterwards I'll head down to see Dad, maybe pickup Mom, and head to STBX's for a Christmas Eve dinner. I have to remember that my kids need me now too and also deserve as Merry a Christmas as we can give them. Christmas day we'll open presents and head down to the hospital to see Dad. My present to Dad is a montage of photos of his church which is closing down in the summer. I went out in November and took a ton of pictures and bought a frame. I've picked out the ones that I think are best and arranged them. Now, it looks like his church might outlive him. I also got a nice matted picture frame and printed an 8X10 picture of Mom and Dad together. It's something they can hang on their wall and especially for mom to remember Dad with. Anyway, I hope everyone here on DB has a wonderful Christmas. I know so many of you are going through your painful times right now but be strong and enjoy what you can of the season. God bless.
