I did go back and read most of your threads a couple of weeks ago. You certainly have been through it all. Before I read them, I had assumed you and your W had reconciled. If I'm being honest, I was a bit sad to know you had ultimately filed. And I guess that is part of the deal with newbies - we are all looking for proof that things can work out the way we hope our marriages will work out. But you are right - I don't yet get that this situation will probably end up being the best/worst experience of my life. It only feels like the worst experience at this point. The thread you started about filing for D - you just seemed so at ease - drinking wine on your deck, reflecting, feeling grateful, content with the decision you had made yet not completely closing the door on your W.
2012 - yikes! I really don't feel like I can hang in that long!! Sometimes D seems like the least painful route, though I know in actuality, it is not at this point. If I'm being honest, I see very clearly that H and I have been in dire straights since last March - the affair with ex W has only been going on since August. I have so many regrets - wishing I would have started DB-ing back in March. I looked at the site but since things seemed to be going "okay", I just stopped looking.
Who is "Barb"? Who was "Barb"? Well for beginners, my name is not Barb (surprise! surprise!)! But in all seriousness, before meeting H, I was confident, very happy in my career (social worker - serving others) and receiving a lot of affirmation from co-workers and superiors for a job well-done, in fantastic shape (what 28-year-old isn't?!) and getting a lot of attention. But I was also wounded - having had two serious relationships which both ended in my partners being unfaithful and me hanging on way too long (see a pattern here?!). My H had an EA early on - was constantly searching for his ex-wife (as per google searches I found) and I became insecure. I allowed what he wanted to guide who I was becoming. I learned to walk on eggshells early. Since all of this went down, I have been making small steps to work on myself for me and my kids - I am in better shape than I've been since I was 28 and I have come to remember my faith - because really, there truly are no atheists in foxholes - and that is exactly where I am sitting...in a foxhole.
So ya - while I am terrified of him leaving because so much of who I am is wrapped up in his approval and love, I do recognize it is a necessary step for me and for him. I would love to say I'm NOT hoping he realizes the grass is not greener - embracing that mentality would prove I am GAL for me and not for any perceived future with him. But I'm afraid to lose all hope because if I do, then it really is over.
So missher - thanks again. And while I know you are going through stuff yourself, I really do appreciate you checking in and also appreciate all of the support from other members in this community.
By the way, I really liked your Medusa metaphor!!! Spot-on!!! I tried it this morning and it just felt more natural than when I am trying to remind myself about the LRT.
Merry Christmas.
M9+ T 11+ Me42 H44 2 kids under 5 IlYBNILWY -3/10 A discovered late 8/10 H moved out early 9/10 - back two weeks later "Taking a Break" - H moves out 1/2/10
and I have come to remember my faith - because really, there truly are no atheists in foxholes - and that is exactly where I am sitting...in a foxhole. 