Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

Tonight S goes for the first time. I am excited yet scared. S has been extra clingy these last few days. I don't know if I am putting off a vibe or if he is a little leary. I have talked to him about going and spending the night. Whenever I talk about it, he always says he doesn't want to go at first and then I ask him and he says yes he does. He is 3 so what can I expect.

I have a lot to do around the house tomorrow to keep me busy. BIL (H's brother) text me yesterday to say he has some gifts to drop off today or maybe one day next week. I said ok. We texted back and forth for a bit and that was nice.

Right now I am doing alright. My SIL told me that she thinks it is a good idea (and she hates H), plus if they are staying at his parents then OW won't be there, at least not spending the night with H so that is a positive. The other stuff I just have to let go. Although I don't want H to ruin things with S the way he did with me, I can't control it and he doesn't want to change. He is who he is. I was looking through old texts H sent me and I just couldn't believe all the lies in each text. I wondered if all the sweet ones he sent to me and OW at the same time to keep us both going. Just sad. I deleted all the sweet ones I was keeping, but kept the important ones in case I need them before the D is final. Overall, I am glad that H wants to start doing more with S because it will help carry the load from me a little and frees me on Fridays (when overnights start more) to do other things like maybe date a little, but I will miss my little guy. It is good for us though. I just still have this sinking feeling like H isn't telling me something. Oh well, S tells me everything so I don't have to worry about it. S has been having an allergic reaction (red eyes and stuffy nose) whenever he gets back from H so maybe H is with OW and her two cats and those cats are what S is allergic to. S has never had a problem with H's parents until about 2 months ago so I just wonder. Something to bring up to H, not that I want to know, but if H's stuff had cat hair all over it, he may have to wash everything or keep stuff at his parents if S is this allergic. (I may have to take him to the doc for it, but I would hate to because now he hates the doc due to the strep tests and surgery).

Otherwise all is good. I really am going to be ok. It is just the first time so I am a little concerned, but my former in-laws are good people and if nothing else BIL is a great guy and may not stand up to H, but will make sure S is taken care of. I have a really bad sore throat today so I hope I am not getting sick, but I am sleeping better and having fun just relaxing this week.