IB you will make it. We all do, in some manner or another. The holidays are extremely tough. Holidays were always special and fun and then when h left I had become to dread them.
It took me 4 Christmases of being depressed before I finally was able to get out and socialize with friends and feel good regardless of what my h was doing. He never came around on Christmas nor did he respond to any texts or calls. This was a very very painful time for me.
Do your best to pick yourself up and make NEW memories. In hindsight I wished I hadn't spent so much time being depressed and missing what I didn't have, but enjoying my beautiful children right in front of me.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Irish ....even when you think you are in a good place, moving forward without H, I find that the Holidays do make me sad and nostalgic, missing H & what we used to have....somehow they bring out the pain that I've buried somewhere deep inside me....but as everyone else said we will get through it....lets look forward to a new year and a new start...hope that it will be a better year for all of us.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Sorry for bumping but I could really use some advice from people on this thread. Glamgirl, anyone, if you get a chance can you please hop over to my thread? It's titled "Time is Running Out".
I have been catching up on other posts over the last couple of days. There is really never any interaction between H and myself. I never initiate it and he certainly doesn't. I just wonder how we can go from 24/7 closeness to 24/7 nothingness. I have tried and tried to figure out what signs I was missing - but he never seemed any different. He seemed content - he seemed to enjoy our family life - he seemed to enjoy doing things with me. In a blink of an eye - nothing. He has replaced me with the OW and it appears he has replaced our family with hers. He has been gone for 6 months now. "Done" for 8 months. "Bomb" was 10 months ago.
I think I still get frustrated because I don't feel as if I truly understand what happened. I know "normal" people don't do the things he did. But I still guess I don't feel confident in being able to define what happened. When someone asks what happened - I don't really know what to say.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Your story and mine are SO ALIKE! Still ask myself What Did I Miss from time to time, but worrying is like a rocking chair. There is no point in further speculation.
In one way, I've envied the others on this Board whose Spouses interact with them; in another way, Not So Much.
Truly Irish, three months ago, I still wondered all the same things. Now, I am able to see markers that I subconsciously chose to ignore. Maybe not ignore, but since I didn't know how to approach it, and he denied anything being wrong, I let it lay.
As hard as it may be, try focusing outward for the next 10 days, just to get yourself through them, if needs be. Your children, your extended family, your friends. Do and Go and See. Work on making some new traditions for yourself and your kids. I don't mean to come across like the December issue of Good Housekeeping, but it did help me.
Irish, we are a work in progress; please forgive the mess. LOL You have plenty of faith, have faith in yourself. I do.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Very fortunate to have spent three of the last four days with wonderful friends and family. Had a very good session today with IC. She listened to me and asked me "why do you continue to blame yourself for all of this?" Finally I think I had a breakthrough and was able to admit to these lifelong insecurities that caused me to be controlling, a perfectionist. I spent too many years putting my role as mother above my role as a wife. In the last several years when H's bombs started falling I realized these errors and have asked for forgiveness and took steps to change. H did not want to forgive - he just wanted out. He wanted out of the responsibility and accountability of being a father and a husband.
Another breakthrough - I have had such a hard time getting angry. Realized that I have definitely been getting angry - however I've turned all of the anger inward. I've been treating myself like crap - so, so hard on myself. I am ready to make a vow to be kinder to myself.
From IC - went to doctor. Just check up. All good, been on anti-anxiety meds since March. Very helpful. Am I depressed - probably - however more from environmental issues.
I will make it through this!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
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