Running out of time

[Augtan]

I too am divorced and my XH is still going back and forth in and out of the tunnel. We ML everytime he comes up here, we have a great time, we are together as a family, and it is all great...then he goes back down to where he lives (700 miles away) and it is like it never happened, I freak out for awhile, texting and wanting more, he is in the tunnel, I leave him alone, he comes out and it all happens all over again...if I could just stop thinking "this time he is out for real and wants me to pursure him" then maybe he would be out for good, but I want it so bad, I screw it all up..don't make my mistake. And, don't think that a piece of paper ends it all and there is no hope at all.

I have made huge, huge mistakes in the last few weeks with XH, pushing him and he has gone so far back into the tunnel...! Leave him alone! Mine does a lot of what yours has done, pursues and then retreats, won't return texts, emails..I know he thinks I am pushing...he is in MLC...he is depressed and sick...has no sense of reality...he is a very messed up person. He blamed me again today for everything. I have had the same feelings as your friend in the email...I haven't known whether to give him what he said his "needs" were when we were working on the marriage post D-day or to leave him alone, I have done both and neither have worked, he just comes closer and then pulls away. It is awful and so very confusing, but don't let the technicality of a divorce scare you so much, it is just a piece of paper and if he is going to come out of this and come back to you that piece of paper will make no difference. My divorce attorney told me that she has had 5 people re-marry that she did divorces for and she had only been doing it a few years! Hang in there, take care of you and your kids! And, from experience...leave him alone, I really feel if the last few weeks I had done this, we might be having an awesome Christmas together instead of the strained one we will have with no ML or anything cause I have pushed so much he has run deeper into the tunnel than ever!!
And, I totally agree with Snodderly, the more you contact them the more they run, at least that has been my experience...mine even said to me today "do you cut and paste, cause you say the same things over and over and I just don't read it anymore" I guess I am insane, cause I just keep doing it, but I just think "this time he is going to get it"!! Then, I go a few months and am fine, don't contact him and that is when he starts out of the tunnel and is texting me "good-night beautiful"...when will I ever learn??? Don't make my mistakes!!

A