Crossroads

[MHL]

I am going to chime in here a little and give a unique perspective on Kemper's sitch. As some of you may know already I live around the corner from Kemper, we met here on the boards about a year ago and within a couple of weeks realized our proximity to each other. I have checked with him and he is okay with me sharing my perspective with all of you.

[quote]
This woman's emotions are all over the place and she doesn't know who she wants. She doesn't even know what she wants. She is making decisions and acting out of her emotions. So, to say she's unstable is an understatement, but typical in these cases. It may appear to be so, be we're looking at it through Kemper's lenses.

In Kemper’s sitch, we do not know what his W is thinking, but the fog is starting to clear in that she has been smacked with reality of her situation and the choices she has made. She finds herself in a drastically different living environment than what she had a year ago and the fantasy of the affair is definitely gone. The OM lives in another state far away and unless he moves here any relationship will remain long distance and will suffer and die eventually (the whole email, facebook, texting, and phone conversations thing fizzle after a while and will not sustain a committed relationship over time).

I think she started to reconsider things 3 or 4 months ago. However I think she still viewed Kemper as a "viable" backup plan to whatever the hell she was doing. In her mind Kemper was "Plan B".

From my vantage point she started to squirm when she caught wind of Kemper's girlfriend. Kemper's W started to "act out" and started to well be "bitchy" once she found out for sure about Kemper's girlfriend.

TO ALL THE NEWCOMERS READING THIS: I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU RUN OUT AND GET YOURSELF A BOY/GIRL FRIEND....

Kemper's sitch is complicated exponentially by having another person involved.....

However....

It does bring something to light that has been spoken about many times before here on the board, especially by Sandi and Coach....

and that is CONFIDENCE

The game changer for Kemper is that he has demonstrated to his W that he is confident and he will be okay if not better off without her. This is what women are attracted to in Men more than any other trait, Confidence.

Kemper is confident enough to have attracted another woman!!! Kemper's W noticed, obviously.

The problem I have found in my own situation is that for men their confidence is utterly shattered when their wives cheat either EA/PA, and we fall to pieces. It is preached here that you "fake it until you make it".....

Well I am here to tell you that CONFIDENCE is something that can not be "faked" and women can sniff it out in a New York Minute. My message to anyone new reading this is that it takes TIME to get that level of Confidence back and while you are working on yourself it is best to stay away from your spouse as much as posssible.

For Kemper and myself which I will post about later, once you reach this level of "Confidence" there is almost a backlash against the WAS/WAW. Kemper knows he and his boys will be fine without his W and that the slightest transgression by the WAW brings about a very "hostile" feeling.

For example in Kemper's sitch....his W not calling the boys to say goodnite and giving some BS reason as to why she could not do it.

Kemper is going to have to really "work" to suppress some of these feelings and not let them get in the way of any possibility of reconciliation. I guess what I am saying here is that the very attitude and air of confidence that is needed to attract our spouses back can get in the way also because now we will not put up with anymore "disrespect" from our spouses.

If Mr. Bond is around I would love to hear his thoughts also. I think that we reach this point and it has been referred to as the great race between the WAS and LBS.....

The WAS is moving towards reconciliation (unknowingly) and the LBS is moving towards being done. The crux of the matter is that I believe in most cases, it takes the LBS being DONE for real before the WAS takes a hard look at their spouse. This was the case for Jack also....right Jack???

In Kemper's case he was done along time ago.....this I know because I am here, but it was not until Kemper's girlfriend became public knowledge that Kemper's wife started to really notice.