Antonia, I am so sorry. Your husband wants to think well of himself, and like all MLCers [and whatever he says, he isn't in a normal psychological state] thinks only of himself.
The letter is part of a typical MLC script. Why did he have to consult several people? If he needed to communicate he could have thanked you for being his wife for so many years, and said how sorry he was to have hurt you.
As to being done, I think you are hurt and angry, and would like to be done, but I suspect you are not. We do not 'get over' a long and happy marriage in a few months, or even a couple of years. It takes time. I think we are really done when we are enjoying our own lives, and their hurtful acts no longer really touch us. Then we watch the show and eat the popcorn.
We cannot think or will ourselves into detachement, only live our lives as we want to live them, and try to become the people we want to be. The emotional ties we still feel, the long habit of loving, these take a long time to fade.
Now I am grateful for the good times, and sorry it had to end as it did. I see my h for a very damaged man who refused, (and refuses) to understand his own damage, and projected it onto those he loved the most. But gradually they become their actions, and until they face up to what they have done they cannot move forward into a meaningful relationship with anyone. Many years into this I have some insight into the messy relationship they actually have with OW. As has been said many times, a relationship that bgan in betrayal, hurt and lies is unlikely to be healty. Nice people don't mess around with those who are married.
This is probably the hardest thing you will ever do, and your positive attitude will move you forward, until you genuinely do not care about the stupid, pointless and insensitive things that these people do. I don't think we ever stop loving them, but we eventually emotionally detach pretty much entirely from the mess.
