After the collision

[NotFromThesePart]

It has been a couple months since I’ve posted. For those who don’t remember me here is a brief recap.

I was working overseas and my W living in the states. I was to come home on early Nov. to rejoin W. In Late August W started A. I tried to work it out but she was not interested. In Oct. she asked for a separation. I finished my overseas work and moved back to my hometown in a different state than W. She continued A, and I restarted my life.

I recently moved back into my house. I started a job on Monday and have been successfully dating. Nothing serious, but I’ve enjoyed re-learning how to flirt, and am happy to report that women do seem to show interest in me. That is enough for now.

Monday, W calls to ask about the new job. We talk and things move to R talk. This is ok. I know it is to be avoided, but we have not talked much about this over the last 2 months. I’ve noticed a softening in her and she has talked about feeling sad, missing me and our dreams together. She mentioned that I’m her “best friend”. She said that she would be alone at Christmas and I invited her to visit. She was non-committal, but not negative.

Yesterday, she called and offered to fly out. I was very cautious. I want her desperately to come but it should be for the right reasons. We talked for a couple hours. And made tentative plans for one of us to fly out to see the other soon. No dates, though maybe new years. I told her I have hopes, but no expectations.

She volunteered that she very recently ended the affair. I told her I thought that was good, but that in the end I’ve never been worried about the A. I told her the OM did not threaten me at all. I really couldn’t give a rat’s a$$ about him and never spend a minute of time on him. This is true.

We chatted for another 30 minutes and said good night.

2 hours later she called. She said she was feeling incredibly guilty and didn’t want to fly out to see me due to guilt alone. I told her this was fine. I don’t want the guilt. I told her I thought the feeling of guilt was in some sense good, as her behavior over the last few months was bad. However I told her I didn’t want her to feel guilty. I don’t need it and it doesn’t help her. I told her I wanted to see her, that I miss and love her, but that she needs to decide what she wants. Does she still want those things we used to dream of? If so, we should meet up. If not, we shouldn’t

So this is all good. I really have gotten a life. I feel 400% stronger than 3 months ago. I’m on a path to a happy life and while it wasn’t the one I picked, it is mine and it is real.

I’m in no hurry. We’ll see where this goes.