This is an email I received from a friend of mine. I told her about this site and thought it would be good for her also. She never tried to Dbust. She filed for the divorce. So anyway I wanted to share her thoughts with the rest of everyone.
Wow - that's a lot to process in such a short amount of time. I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner. I've been busy with work before Christmas and traveling but most of all, this is such a doozy of an update, I wanted to be able say something more than just "wow".
It's obvious he still has feelings for you but he's fighting them for some reason. I've been going through the same thing and have never figured out to break through the "some reason". Should I have let things go just as they did so he wouldn't feel pressured? Should I have pursued and fought for him like a maniac so he's feel wanted? They are so messed up that I know which ever course I took (which was the first one), I'd be blamed because I didn't take the other. And I have been blamed in this way. But I know if I did the opposite, that would have been wrong too. They are really just looking for someone else to blame.
I think you are going to have to take to the point where a next milestone in the process is about to occur. Stay cool till then. Then you look him straight in the eye and say that you are at this milestone, which might be the last chance to call it off. Tell him calmly, firmly that you love him and you know with commitment on both your part that it can work. That you are willing to do whatever it takes, but now is the time to make the decision. Keep going and move forward apart or stop and move forward together. Be calm, be clear about your wishes and willingness. Tell him that if there are problems with his family, you will do what it takes to work those out too. Tell him he doesn't have to choose sides - he can have it all.
I realize now that I was in such emotional pain that I was unable to be calm and clear. I was just hurt, angry, truly non-functional and not thinking clearly. Don't let that kind of thing be in your way.
