H talking D again.. after 3 mos. of piecing

[DestinyUnknown]

HBM - I am so SORRY and I know you are hurt and angry. We are here for you. Venting here is good. I have been where you are. I must just caution you on acting out in anger toward your H. I KNOW that may sound strange because he appears not to be committed to working on the M. Considering all that have been through and learned over this last 12 months, I would have waited to speak to him before leaving him the VM. I understand, you found his car at the OW at 2:30, you believe that he has betrayed your M for the last time...

I am not saying to be a doormat, but to get the facts (as much of it as possible) before reacting. My H did the exact same thing, I drove over to where he was living and reacted a little "insanely" to say the least. Yes, I cut up clothes, tore up pictures, called the OW --- However, NONE of that helped me feel better or helped me to take of me. THAT is what detaching do for me...helped me to take care of ME. It can do the same for you. I know that you have been through this once before. How long ago was that?

I am not at all trying to dismiss what your feeling or the very disrespectful way your H is treating you. I just want to look at detachment as a way for you to gain a broader perspective of yourself.

My H and I will have been living apart for 1 year on Xmas eve. This is not a 1 month, 2 month or even 6 month process. When our lives and connections with our spouses have been broken, it can take years to rebuild, that is if it is even possible. "Patience is a virtue", I really believe that and let me tell you, it took me some time to come to this point.

Be good to yourself, vent here all you want. Don't give your H a justification for his actions.