Anyone know what they mean when they say 'lovingly detach'? I am trying to detach, which is very difficult, but to add the 'lovingly' to that idea makes it even more difficult... especially when you are having little to no contact with your WAW.
Hi Denver, welcome to the our community.
Well, she has physcially detached from the marital home,right? So, the way you detach will be emotionally,mostly.
The part that a lot of folks don't understand about detaching is that you show no negative attitudes towards your WAW. You don't act mad, treat her coldly, or ignore her as a way of paying her back.
You pull back. You stop any acts of pursuing. But, if you want to save your M, then you do these things with that in mind. It helps keep you on the right track.
The expression "lovingly" is more for the LBS to remember "why" he/she is pulling back and the attitude to keep. No spite,anger, revenge, etc.
I think you absolutly need to give your stepson the gifts you normally would. He's going through a bad time, too. I'm sure he feels insecure. It's great that you have that R with him. Have you decided how, when, or where you will give the gifts?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
