Need Insight III

[Denver_2010]

Tonight one my friends called saying that he needed to talk to me. He had spoken with my BIL earlier today and was told about OM. My friend didn't know anything about OM. BIL told him about it and how much time my wife is spending with the guy. That she has even 'crashed' at his place. She still claims that nothing physical is going on. On one hand I believe her bc she has always had very high moral standards. On the other hand, I'm not stupid and I am now well versed in the WAW behaviors from this board.

The truth is that no one knows what is actually happening bw wife and OM except for them. My problem is that I am absolutely consumed by thoughts of what MAY be happening. I can't get it out of my mind. Hearing of this conversation bw friend and BIL took me back about 10 steps in trying to detach. I am so sad and sick with worry right now that I can't express it in words. The idea of my wife with OM is destroying me.

I wish that I could just hate her and begin to end this pain!! I still love her though and I also know that I did a lot to push her into the mental state that she is. I am blaming myself for what is happening. I feel that I need to actively forgive her as this is going on for that reason. It just hurts so badly.

I'm sorry for hijacking your thread IAP, but you and I are in somewhat similar situations. I'm also sorry for being so pathetic. I am normally very strong and confident. But I feel so weak, sad, and betrayed right now...