It has been awhile since I have posted on your thread. I hope you had a nice holiday. I also think you gave Helen some good advice on our thread in Infidelity.
Need your great perspective on things. Went to see one of Michele's couselers and the DB center and she suggested, like you, that I should detach even more. Well as I explaned to her that is what I have been doing and I see things getting worse not better. The more I seem to pull away from my wife the more she pulls away from me.
We had not talked about us until last night. OM's wife called me to tell me that they are still having 1 to 2 hour conversations daily. I already knew this was going on and asked my wife in a nice way why they where continuing. She said that OM is not our problem and that if she stopped talking to him things would not just get better.
I told her that not only is she hurting me she is hurting OM's wife given that she has asked my wife a number of times to please not call her husband. My wife says that their marriage problems are not her problems.
She got into a conversation with my mom the other day and told her that I was always trying to compete with her and win everything. She was tired of feeling like a second class person. She realizes that I have made some changes loves me but is still very upset with me. Tells my mom the problem is not with OM but with us.
I know she is still trying because she is going to counseling and I do know she does love me. I told her in this same conversation that maybe I am not the person she wants to spend the rest of life with. I also mentioned that divorce does nothing to medicate the pain that we both have. I think she really agrees with that point. She just seems so stuck. Says she is very happy with her life and who she is. Seems to have fun at times and treats our kids well.
So detaching seems to be driving us further apart and not bringing us any closer. She is stuck and can't seem to move forward yet continues to talk to OM. The other day was the first time we talked about us and she was the one that brought it up. I am seem to be my wits end not really knowing what the next step is and losing patience. How much do think the OM still plays in this dea?
OM has gone to see a lawyer and is no longer wearing his wedding ring. His wife is DBing big time and has even called a my wife a couple of times to try and be nice to her.
