Separated for 11 weeks (long)...

[thatgirl007]

dbmod - thanks so much for the reply. Yes, it helps so much to feel as you are not coming from a place of desperation and that is the very first thing that DB gives you. It gives you your sanity back, if you'll accept it. In my mind, what needs to continue is that we need to continue to have good times together. We also need to move forward in determining how to cope together in those stagnant times when everything seems rote and mundane. I think that once my H learns how to understand that life won't always be exciting, we'll be on firmer ground. I guess what I really need to see right now is these changes sustained for a period of tim...although, I have no idea what that timeframe actually is. I am trying not to dwell too much on my friend's and family's feelings. I try to be as open with them as I can be - and to let them know that I'm doing my best.

Fell - I'm glad that you find my story inspiring. I know that I'm really lucky to be able to date my H, for there to be so much constant and positive communication. In a lot of ways, I feel like I lost my H and gained a boyfriend - which isn't entirely a bad thing. Now, how to get to the point where I have both the husband and the boyfriend wrapped in one?

I think that you are so right not to file, especially as an action to "take control". I have determined for myself that I will only file when/if I want to be divorced and for no other reason, not to save my pride, not to feel better, not to make him feel worse...only to end the marriage, if that's what it comes to (I hope and pray not!)

It's also really important to recognize the changes that you could make to create a more positive relationship. For me, the main change that has been the catalyst for my current status is when I let go of my H, really and truly. I just had to talk to myself and really imprint in my head the knowledge that I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me and that anything less is unacceptable. Once I came to that point, it was a lot easier to approach my H more practically, without a whole lot of emotion and very simplistically.

I just said to him, "It's okay if you don't want to be with me. It [censored] but it's okay...and I really want to be with someone who wants to be with me, it's what I deserve." And the things is - I meant it. As much as I want my marriage to work, I won't go back into a situation where I am not wanted, no matter the consequences.

The most important relationship I have, is the one with myself...and not even my H can come between me and me
If that makes any sense?

Here's to Happy Holidays all around.