Sadly especially for my kids i am starting to sway the way of just let her go. She is very short with me on the phone, however and she knows i look at the phone record. She spent 20 min on the phone with OM this AM. Granted right now they are about 500 mile apart and she is with all the children that does not make it better. I am not quite sure how to handle this the kids being my number 1 priority i want her in the house for Christmass. They both say it is over. But she is not over it. OM continues to tell his spouse he wants to work it out. This is so high school, I can't stand it. Things to do here.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
DB, It takes months for them to begin to let go of the fantasy affair... It takes months for you to begin seeing each other in a better light hearted kinda way... I have been at this 6 months now, and my WAW left and moved out in June while I was away on business... It takes months for everyone to get over the emotional turmoil created by the affair mess... My good guess is the OM will go back to his wife to try to repair his marriage, and your wife will go thru withdrawal of the fantasy of the OM...this takes a few months... My answer is what a wise old guy told me... How much time do you have to get a divorce or reconcile... You have as long as it takes...certainly a year or more... I know it is tough...Hill I am right in the middle of it... My WAW will come over for X-Mas and Thanksgiving, and if I am lucky she and our son may stay the night...but they may not... The holidays are a bad time for being seperated from family...we all have to many emotions on the table... Please keep reading the 180 list and try to follow as much of the 180 list...you have to use the parts of the list that work for your individual sitch... Thanks.
Thanks I am getting input from the other forum too it is very active. I am going to use time as my friend no matter what I want her in the house for the kids sake over the holidays. Maybe I need to remind them to pay extra attention when mommy comes home etc instead of glued to TV she thinks they will not miss her. The 180 list is in my pocket. I think maybe standing guard monitoring the phone thing backing off more for now may be best. Making sure I have plans on her nights off. I am not a foward thinker.
Thanks
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
I have also been given advice to fully go after the situation with no contact letters and exposing the affair. I am currently observing for futher evidence it is ongoing. I feel like it is a fine line between pushing her away forever and the backing off method and the 180's. What to do. How aggressive to be to save this. She currently says she does not want to give up her privacy meaning tell me where she is all the time give me email access. She says it is over and cried for real like a teenager that had been dumped when she said it. Is this the fog of the affair is it part WAW and midlife crisis. What is the best way or is there no best way???
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
The crying like a teenager being dumped is real... The WAW with go thru a withdrawal phase because she still wants the fantasy of the OM...it takes a couple months... I pondered the exposure options in my sitch... I made the decision not to expose, but if my WAW were to fully pursue the Big D...I am sure things would leak out at that point because our friends would ask me questions that I would be truthful about... Each person has to weigh the options to expose the A, or not to expose... Michelle Davis leans toward the do not expose position on the basis that it makes it more difficult to repair and mend the marriage if the exposure is to harsh... Thanks.
I think if I want any chance of reconciliation. Ever or coparenting exposure is not a good option I will have to watch things. Baby step today she txt a pic of the kids she hasn't done that in a very long time
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Update,Ok so to keep all of you in the loop. The OM had the odacity to contact me via txt today, I remained polite it was for a practical issue involving older children (close group). I told him to please speak to so and so.. This went on for a few txt, he txt'd he would contact my W then, At which point I sent the final txt telling him who to contact instead of me or her and politely stated it would also be nice if he stopped contacting my wife so that I have a chance to save my family. I directly asked W if they talked and she admited yes, not about the subject he contacted me on. She very plainly stated they just talk. I was about to walk away when I very calmly soft toned stated i don't know what if anything is going to become of us but if you keep talking to OM nothing will or maybe I said can. Her response ...sigh.. and look away. I still plan to gather evidence, speak to OM spouse. And plan this possible exposure. I hate this, hate what a D will do to my kids I want to confront her now I think a ride instead. Thank you all for your support, as you can see I need it.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Well I forgot I had this thread going because of mine in newcomers but OM wife told me today that OM figured out he needed to choose and is choosing family over friendship with my W. OM W also blocked my W phone from his cell. Apparently reality is catching up to OM. My w filed for divorce end last week she fessed up sunday I have yet to be served the law says 6 months to a earliest hearing after being served. So a little time for her head to clear and me to soul search. She is actively trying to buy a house and wants to be done with everyone still wants OM. What fun I am at the whatever point.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
