I would get in touch with him and offer your support. Heck even pass him along to this site but I would suggest not hopping into Newcomers as people tend to get lost there.
Glad you are doing well with school and everything.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Bumping this thread. Please read my last post & respond.
Anyone out there that wants to respond, pleasel do.
Kat - I would totally do that but he's overseas and speaks a different language. LOL. But I do want to offer him support. I can't imagine how he must feel
Stbx was texting me again last night, saying he hopes my exam went well, that he knows I got an A. I thanked him and thought how nice that is. He's never been huge on cheering me on majorly for exams but sometimes he'd wish me well. Idk what that means. Maybe since it's the holidays he's feeling lonely? I think he does miss me. I know we're still D'ing. He asked me if I thought we could ever forget the past and move on.
I haven't read your whold story and just going by your last post but it seems that your xH is realizing that you were not the cause of his unhappiness!
It sounds like he is reaching out...it could just be the holidays...what do you want to do?
Good Attitude Girls thread (MLC) might be a good one to read. She is D'd from her H but they are slowly reconnecting...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Your H has been free with the words in the past. Tune out the words and pay attention to his ACTIONS. As you noted, it seems like some of his actions support his words, so that's a good thing. HOWEVER, take it really slow...actions over time can be believed. Actions right around the holidays when he's feeling sorry for himself? Big grain of salt.
So. My advice? Get clear for yourself about YOUR requirements for him in order for you to be willing to try to reconcile. Post your list here. Once you are absolutely clear on what you are and are not willing to accept and the steps H must take for you to give him a chance, tell him.
Tell him calmly, matter of fact-ly. "H, I am open to exploring whether we can reconcile, but I am very clear about what I expect from you and what I am willing to accept/do. If you can agree to this list, then we can move forward. If you cannot, I completely respect that, but I know what I need and deserve in a M, so I'll have to move on."
In short, make him prove it with actions.
I'm behind in your sitch, so I'm not certain about this. Is it possible his lawyer gave him bad news about his chances to get everything he was trying to get? Just asking, because your H has been pretty manipulative and tried to screw you over in the past. Color me skeptical.
If he's not willing to agree with your conditions, then go dark. No movies, no texts, no phone calls. Action is the only way home.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I agree with SD...I know if my ex wanted back I would really have to think about it and see some consistent actions from him, not just words. If there are certain things you need from him, tell him and see if he responds well...
it seems that your xH is realizing that you were not the cause of his unhappiness!
I hope so!
Originally Posted By: courageous wife
It sounds like he is reaching out...it could just be the holidays...
Yeah Holidays are def triggers.
Originally Posted By: SDFoundGirl
If he's not willing to agree with your conditions, then go dark. No movies, no texts, no phone calls. Action is the only way home.
Great advice SD. I love the "ACTION IS THE ONLY WAY HOME."
I agree with making a list about what I need/require but here's the thing, he hasn't SAID the words he wants to reconcile M. That is why it's weird.
So thus far I'm not going to worry my pretty little head over it.
I thought about what he said... if it's possible for us to forget everything and move forward... I don't know that.
I love him still. Always will. I just wonder if our time together is up. Tick tick tick ...that's the sound of our M running out (If any of you watch Showtime's Dexter, that should make you laugh). And then again, I'd love a reconcilation w/o all the BS. I would never want to go back to the place we were at. It wasn't all bad but it became a bad dynamic.
Fa la la la. I am listening to Xmas tunes. LOVE it! Christmas is so fun to me!
re: STBX I responded to you elsewhere so I won't rehash that here.
Hope your final went well and you're ready for Christmas!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
IR, My final was crazy & I am sooo glad the semester is over!
I am super behind on Xmas shopping so I will do taht this week. Generally I'm pretty much done shopping by this time of year but I'm going to be one of those last-minute shoppers this year.
Stbx messages me that he is glad to see my life is turning on well w/ school and everything, that I deserve the best.
...?
And finally... an acknowledgement:
"I know this isn't easy for you."
Wow... so he knows? Good. And where does that leave me? Nowhere, that's where. I said remember you said "for better or for worse?...guess that doesn't mean anything anymore."
He said he respects my opinion... that he feels differently than I do because "everything matters to him."
Huh?
Don't even know how to respond to that. What does one say?
M seems like such a farce. A joke. I think the only way he will ever truly know my feelings if it one day he is on the receiving end of this BS.
((((((Sol)))))) I think the best response might be no response. I think he is talking more for himself than for you, he's trying to make himself feel better. And maybe feeling lonely, and wanting to talk you into some short term bad decisions. But he isn't saying anything that actually changes a thing, right? It's all, "see, I'm not so bad", but there isn't any actual change in his course of action, or even a real suggestion that he wants to change his course of action.
