It's gonna be years before this lady gets a grip, gets outa the fog, whatever. Maybe a Christmas Miracle awaits me! I'll tell you the miracle is that I'm still bothering!!!
Who would like that kind of financial support! I don't believe in making things easy for the WAW to live outside the home. Does it make no difference in the eyes of the law that you have the children that much more than she does....or is that just the lawyer talking? You aren't using the same one are you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Not using same lawyer. Mine says she is likely not to get maintenance. As I said in earlier posts... I told her I'd pay her $435 per mo to have the kids provided she didn't cause a fight over them, which would have them transported all over the place. She actually would get that amount regardless, but that deal allows me to have the kids the most, and is the best and most stable path for them and me. It's offensive to have her go for more money when that $435 is basically just for her already. Not suprised, but still aggrivating. There have been little battles over everything, the key I've learned is to be patient and wait. She tends to get frustrated and not want to fight over one thing too long. Property issue, so far a victory, having and keeping the kids seems pretty locked in, paying her while I do all the parenting... A financial defeat, but a clear victory for the kids and me. There will be a BIG BIG battle from her over my pension, IRAs, paid off house. She has no idea, but I will be fighting to have the IRA $ almost in full put in a trust for the kids college... BTW what we agreed to use it for long ago. She confirmed by text previously that she knows the money was for their college, but she needs a house for the kids... Uh NO! They have a home! So I am prepared to give all of mine, because in the end I don't lose a dime... It will go where it was intended anyway. If I win that fight, she will be DEVESTATED. Already her lil plan coming apart at the seems. She will be so angry, I doubt shell ever return to me. She is that stubborn.
When we sat down and had the "financial" discussion my W told me that she would expect very little from me, just enough to help out with the kids. Based on the caluation I found on the government website I could be paying amlost 1/2 of my monthly salary - which my W says is ridiculous and she wouldn't want that much. Also do to our income split (80/20) essentially, she would be entitled to alomoney as well - which she said she wouldn't want. She can take care of herself!
Now again, we still live together and I don't want that to change, but I worry about the sitch changing and her realization of her financial needs changing. I really hope I don't have to go down that road.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Just be careful... I heard she didn't want mantenance, she would pay for her attorney, half the vehicle, would accept a reduced amount from IRA... would leave my pension alone... Blah blah blah... NONE of that was true when ge got her attorney.
How do I prepare myself? Like I said, if I go by what the divorce law says I'd likely be giving her about 65% of my monthly income between child support and alamoney.
I think she's just comfortable now, and not seeing clearly how things would change if she left/we split. I currently pay about 3/4 of our house hold expenses, she pays for the car-payments, car insurance and monthly utility bills. We then take turns paying for weekly groceries or charge on VISA (which I pay).
I'm just scared that she has no idea how expensive it will be...even in a smaller house the expenses alone would be more than she makes!
I trust her when she says she doesn't want to hurt me (which seems crazy now) and that it's her choice so she doesn't expect me to support her. She wants me to be happy and find someone else and have means to have a good life.
As long as she doesn't have OM, then I really don't care about the money. I am here to support my kids bottom line.
Why does she seem to think this is all so easy? Is it purely emotion no logic at all?!?!?!
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
I hear ya! I'm no lawyer, but you will need one! Mine did the same ventured out into the unknown with rose colored glasses... Realized UH OH... came back blazing her guns.
I can only speak from my personal experience with my W, but they aren't very logical and certainly not rational IMO. I still have a hard time today underatanding, What is she thinking?! From what I've gotten on here... Don't focus on it, don't try to understand or figure out why. You'd be wasting your time! FYI... I still do from time to time... Human Nature I suppose. Just be careful buying into her words. Hopefully she'll keep her word, but if she doesn't make any sense, does it make sense to trust her completely. Have a plan B, you'll likely need it when S hits the fan.
Bottom line is I'm not moving out of our house - it's in both of our names. I just hope she sticks to the plan to goto counselling, and I hope see can come to see that it's not as bad as she thinks.
I've been reading other people that have been going through sitch's with WAW and they are going on 2 years of "bettering themself"...uhhhh that makes me sick.
If we worked together on it we could seriously have this sorted out in a couple of months - I guess it's the mind state their in.
I'm trying to save some money on the side (still in a bank account) that my W doesn't know about - but I'm not sure if that will really help me either?
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
