Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks for all the feedback and encourgement everyone! I've been going through a rough few days.

I went out for my best friends birthday on Friday night, and the W made sure to say "Just because we are having some issues, don't go and do anything stupid", I wasn't sure what she meant but I assumed she was alluding to me having an A. Regardless had a good time, but I drank too much and by the end of the night I was really depressed - all I could think of was my W and our life together.

I slept most of the day on Saturday as I was out late and still sick, was glad the W let me sleep. When I got up we went out as family and finished our shopping. No real R talk at all except the W was really curious to hear what all my good friends had to say about out sitch. She made sure to ask me if I met any "hot girls", to which I said we were simple "social" with everyone at the pub - that there was nothing else to it.

Sunday I decided to take my girls to the show to see the movie "Tangled" which they enjoyed - and I actually cried quite a bit during the movie, the story is sad (until the end of course) and again it made me think about my sitch. It was weird when we got back my W said, "so I guess this is how you want things to be, you take the kids out on your own all the time?" to which I told her of course not. I just want to be closer to my girls, and at the same time give you the space that I said I would give you.

W worked Sunday night, I put the kids to bed while registering a fever of 102F. I took some meds and got to bed, called in sick to work in the morning and stayed in bed until 3:00pm. Shortly after I got up my W said she had plans to go out with her cousin and her mother for dinner, but she asked if I was ok with it since I was sick - to which I said it was fine.

She said she'd be back to help get the kids to bed, but I didn't believe that would happen. I got the kids to bed, and had trouble getting to bed myself (probably because I'd slept most of the day). My W finally came home just after 11, at which point I just faked sleeping and eventually fell asleep without speaking too her.

In combination with my lifestyle changes, and healthy eating along with now being sick all weekend (barely ate for 2 days) I'm now down to a weight of 185lbs!! Lowest weight probably since I was in highschool!! I'm really in disbelief...would never have thought I'd get here. Now I know I can get down to an ideal weight of about 175. Merry Christmas to me!

I still haven't been able to lose the dream of having my W back. I really hope that we can get to counselling in the New Year and we are able to resolve our issues - as I just don't see how us seperating can be a positive in either of our lives.

I don't imagine I will be online much over the holidays, so for anyone reading this - I want to say thank you for all the support and advice as I couldn't have made it this far without you.

All the best to you and yours at Christmas and in the New Year!