You want to save her from inappropriate demeaning hookups.
She wants the whole shebang.. long term relationship, a committed partner and father to her son. Total acceptance to her son's presence whether you feel comfortable or not.
She talks about you adopting her son.
You speak then squeak about what's important to you. Or don't follow through.
Actions speak louder than words.
My sister-in-law dated a nice guy. He didn't meet her kids for quite while. They didn't have sex until they both tested negative for AIDS (she had been in engaged to a guy who impregnated a secret girlfriend) and were both negative six months later. He made it clear that he liked her kids but would not be a father figure. She was the parent. The kids call him by his first name. They've been married twenty years. And if there was something troubling she addressed it immediately even if it meant ending the relationship (even now).
To me, you both have boundary issues. I'd feel very uncomfortable having sex while someone's young child was in my house unless I felt part of the whole, that I wasn't going anywhere emotionally. It's just creepy.
You both have different perspectives. What's okay for her isn't okay for you but it's not necessarily a two way street. You both 'go along, get along'. You for what you want now. Her for what she wants now and in the future.
How different is this emotional relationship than your marriage.
Is it easier to say yes to her face than face what you feel?
Is it better to be truthful and risk losing a somewhat rewarding relationship or compromise for what you want.
Lol - I told my book club friends the other day that I was actually considering going out with the way-too-young guy. They were kinda flummoxed - until I added that he was re-reading Don Quixote. THEN they thought that sounded great! lol
People look terrible on webcams...I wouldn't be doing *that*! Plus, part of the point of meeting IRL is seeing a person's body language, how to interact with others and in public outside of their home, etc. The greeting hug that Guitarist gave me when we first met was intimate and electric. I wouldn't have wanted that diluted by a pseudo-meeting on webcam...I doubt I would have been able to see the chemistry on webcam. That's a lot of the point of the first meeting -- seeing if there's chemistry (for many people).
About talking on the phone first. Guitarist avoided that because he didn't want to give out personal info before we met. If I phone from my home phone, someone has my full name, my address, etc. That's a lot of info to give someone you've never even seen IRL. I guess a cell phone gives a little less, but then you risk being pestered by unwanted calls/texts...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Lol - so yesterday, I get a photo. Some guy close to my age, that I have chatted with 3 or 4 times over a 3 week period. Very casual chats - small talk mostly. I figured he wasn't that interested, wasn't sure if I was either frankly.
So yesterday he sends me a photo and says Merry Xmas. A photo, shot from the floor, of his nekkid ass and back (him standing).
I mean, we haven't talked in a week, and he just sends this? really? Lol
And I'm trying to figure out the mechanics of taking such a photo of oneself - did he press the button with his toe? Set the timer, place the camera on the phone and then jump up?
He's got a nice bod but I'm not sure I could date a guy who is that into himself!
Ellie: The guy is a jerk. Which site are you on? It sounds like a meat market. You need to find a classier one (in my opinion). You are a wonderful woman who is clearly better than these guys you're meeting. If you're just looking for sex - you can find it but if you're looking for a meaningful relationship - stick to the sites that cater to professionals.
