Your story sounds familiar although from the opposite dynamic. I was a raging alcoholic for the first 22 years of our 29 year marriage. Why she stuck with me through those years of insanity I will never know. The last 6 years of my addiction she had an affair with a "soul mate" and I completely understood. In fact I knew about the affair but stuffed that knowledge because I realized that if I confronted it I would probably have to confront my owm drinking. When th om's wife informed me I went into a treatment program and have been sober ever since. My w and I recommitted to our marriage.
Although I strongly suggested couseling for both of us as individuals and us a a couple she rejected this idea because she had forgiven and moved on. I really thought things were great bercause up until a year ago she told me daily what a great life we had and how wonderful things now were.
Well apparently they weren't that wonderful because she started another ea in January that continued through August with another soul mate. She told me that she wanted a divorce in June and we are now physically separated. I know she is very confused because she found another soul mate in October and that relationship continues at the present time.
It has been almost a month since she moved out and I am just now feeling that my life will get better. It has been difficult dealing with the lonliness and lack of intimacy and I still do love her. I take full responsibility for the damage that I have caused to our marriage and to this lovely lady but I cannot correct the past. I have worke on becoming a better husband and person each and every day of my recovery but she cannot forgive me. Despite previously telling me that all was forgiven, she now says that she was permanently wounded and that she can never forgive me.
I am working hard at not contacting her as each time I do I get another dose of pain. Either her boyfriend answers the phone or she will remind me of what I did to her in 1976, 1983 or pick a year.
I am reading a lot of Melody Beattie and recommend her to anybody whose spouse has an addiction of any type. Right now my wife is acting like I did when I was drinking only without the alcohol.
Your thread has a lot of great advice and insights and has helped me a great deal. I need more advice on living alone. This is the hardest part of the process I am going through.
