Crossroads

[sgctxok]

IMO, the only reason a woman would look at another man with interest is b/c she is not completely happy/satisfied with the R she is in with OM. This woman's emotions are all over the place and she doesn't know who she wants. She doesn't even know what she wants. She is making decisions and acting out of her emotions. So, to say she's unstable is an understatement, but typical in these cases.

I know if my H had stopped pursuing me and started showing interest in anothere woman....I would have dropped all interest in OM and my attention would have been completely on what was taking place with my H & OW. He would have suddenly looked more attractive if another woman wanted him. But here is the the most importatnt part....if I had flirted enough to show H I might be interested in making our M work.....and then he dropped OW right then (without much effort on my part), then I think my interest in getting him back might not hold very long. It has a lot to do with the "chase". Being men, you should know that the chase is such an important part of the courtship. If the girl can be swayed too easily.....well, it just takes the wind out of your sail,doesn't it? Much more interesting if there is enough wind to fuel that boat and keep it going.

Keeping a nice distance between you and the woman. Letting her see you once in a while and letting the sexual attraction build.....causing her desire for you to deepen....that's important.

Here's the thing that I don't understand about teenagers today.....and even young adults. They don't appreciate the dating game. They don't play the field. It's like they want a solid committment before going out on a date. Takes the fun of the chase & mystery out of it, if you ask me.

I had some good looking boys that wanted to date me in school, but there was something that was lacking. You see, good looks isn't everything. There has to be a chemistry between the couple, or at least for the girl. I remember going out with a guy who was crazy about me....but I felt like he was my cousin. I couldn't even kiss him. Nice guy, nice looks.....but just no chemistry.

The biggest thing that would turn me off was for a guy to be sniffing around me. Sometime I wondered if I would see slobber dripping off his chin. (lol)....no, just kidding a little. I liked that guy that stood over to the side who wasn't looking at my boobs, but was looking into my eyes and had a little hint of a message there in that look.
That was what attracted me to my H. I wanted to learn more about what made him tick!

Everyone's perspective is different. And I'd like to offer mine.


The truth is we don't know the truth of the background and of your W's perspective. And I want to say, in general, I usually agree with sandi2. I'm just offering this because, Kemper, only you and your wife together know what rings true.

This woman's emotions are all over the place and she doesn't know who she wants. She doesn't even know what she wants. She is making decisions and acting out of her emotions. So, to say she's unstable is an understatement, but typical in these cases. It may appear to be so, be we're looking at it through Kemper's lenses.

I know if my H had stopped pursuing me and started showing interest in anothere woman....I would have dropped all interest in OM and my attention would have been completely on what was taking place with my H & OW. He would have suddenly looked more attractive if another woman wanted him.

And I would have moved on. It is so with my exH, who was a jerk, and it is so with 'the coach' whom I love now.


Keeping a nice distance between you and the woman. Letting her see you once in a while and letting the sexual attraction build.....causing her desire for you to deepen....that's important.



Completely agree. If you rub your hands together and then feel the different distances between them--space them far apart and space them close enough to touch, pull them away far enough that you can feel a 'heat' or energy...not touching, but not feeling 'nothing'. That's an analogy. You want a close enough distance to feel something, far enough away, she would have to pull closer. In fact, you want the 'outside edge' ALMOST no feeling but not no feeling, enough to draw her in. If that makes sense to you. (to some people that makes no sense, and some people get it immediately.)

Here's the thing that I don't understand about teenagers today.....and even young adults. They don't appreciate the dating game. They don't play the field. It's like they want a solid committment before going out on a date. Takes the fun of the chase & mystery out of it, if you ask me.

Yeah. They have no clue. It's as if they're not allowed to play the field.

Sandi2--any clue how to change that? I did not raise my daughters this way, and they blow this off.

The biggest thing that would turn me off was for a guy to be sniffing around me. Sometime I wondered if I would see slobber dripping off his chin. (lol)....no, just kidding a little. I liked that guy that stood over to the side who wasn't looking at my boobs, but was looking into my eyes and had a little hint of a message there in that look.
That was what attracted me to my H. I wanted to learn more about what made him tick!

I didn't have this, I didn't have boobs. But I dated a lot. Lots of guys. And I was in general, treated really well. Taken out on dinner/movie/dance type dates, even in HS. I wanted someone who cared about the romance.