Hi Long story short, after 25+ years of marriage my spouse walked out me and my chilcren. There was no infidelity in the strict sense although looking back there may certainly have been emotional infidelity on both our parts.
He sees the kids once midweek and alternate weekends. We have no separation agreement in place. He's been gone for well over a year now, and only contacts me when it concerns visitation or something child related.
It's been hell for me. I have read 18 books on relationships, done counseling with divorcebusting, taken control of my own dysfunctional thinking and behaviour, and implemented many changes in my behaviour and demeanor and nothing has changed significantly in my opinion for the better betweeen us. I am looking for work, and trying to get my head around the fact I am a single parent now and I can't rely on him, trust him or have any expectations with regard to him or his behaviour.
He has seen a cognitive therapist, and told me when I was there on a joint sessions that he didn't want to work on our relationship. The therapist then essentially told me - your marriage is over, things will be different/better in 18 months, goodbye and good luck.
He has done virtually no further counseling or reading since he left and appears to like his life alone, and he is alone. He has cut himself from the life we shared pretty much completely. He works, he works out, he sleeps. As far as I am aware.
I am now asking myself if I want a man like that back in my life. I have a new perspective on our relationship and my needs, which if I'm truthful, weren't being met. My best female friend invested more time in me than my husband ever did. I was the caretaker for the relationship and everything else besides.
Seeing he has absolutely no interest in changing the status quo - I feel I'm beating my head against concrete.
Perhaps it's time for me to say goodbye and withdraw completely and make a life for myself without him in it on any level. Every action, every word from me is seen by him as an attempt to control and manipulate.
I feel he has rejected everything we built together and all that I am. I have no influence over him.
