Andylee, That is so promising. Dont expect anything but remember you are a part of that family he is missing. No matter what they say I know that they must miss us and their lives they had. They are confused.
The game went well - we had a few beers and lunch felt like old times. I had one mess up where I brought up our sit and I saw him shut down so according to my coach (we chatted tonight) I just need to be his friend and keep moving on as if we were getting divorced (dont like that). She did say that we should be less available and when they ask us why we arent available then we should tell them 'Until you tell me differently I am moving on with our lives -- making the best for the babies - I love you but I dont agree with your solution to our problems and i have to take some space for myself" so lets see if either of us gets the chance to say this.
Patience - Patience is what my coach reminded me so I am going to try so hard for this - its my life and I love this man.
Do you have family close by for the holidays? Can you get a sitter and go get hair done - change the color or get highlights and a cut. I did before the game and it did for me. I felt refreshed and actually like my new me. Try it --- it did wonders for my self confidence. Make the appointment and pamper yourself.
Ok, all of that sounds good...I just totally suck at it somedays. Its hard to be his friend because I feel like I want to make him see that if he wants my help and support and advice, he needs to stay married to me! Also, I'm assuming this applies to being intimate together? Not that this is probably gonna happen in the near future, but I'd like to have a game plan if the situation comes up.
This weekend there is a xmas party for the daycare. He claims he's coming with, I'm not holding my breath but he seemed interested. I don't know how to act arround him in a social setting.
And I'm gonna take your advice and get my hair done. I've had the same hair for 10 years so I dunno if I can do anything drastic, but I'll try something!
Andylee - I am feeling the same way. I try to be friends but then I am looking for an ounce hope that he is coming back. It drives me crazy. I asked for space and then now he is coming by tonight to see the babies. I just dont know about this whole roller coaster its awful and all I want is my husband back! My life and family back!
Andylee, How was the holidays? Ours were okay H was here and has been here since staying at the house. I am getting ready to go out of town in a couple of days and he is watching the babies. Its been weird strange - like old towns I dont know what to do but I am not bringing anything up. Hope you are well and Merry Christmas!
Hopeless29, Sorry it has been so long! H and I share a computer and I was off work for the week. Anyways, my holidays was ok. H came to our christmas but I was not invited to his family's, which gave me mixed feelings. The kids had a great time and I know that's what is important but I can't help but feel disappointed...I was so hoping that he'd have some kind of revalation at Christmas. And since then I've hardly spoken to him. I just feel completely defeated by everything and like my will to fight is fading.
Andylee, I am sorry it has been a while for me as well. I went away with a friend for the New Year - didnt think I could face it by myself. The H came and spent the holidays with us as well and then watched the babies while I was gone and since hasnt left the house. He is sleeping in the same bed but we are not really communicating --- very weird. I asked him this morning what was going on if we were working on our marriage and if he was sticking around and he just said he wasnt sure.... I dont know what I prefer him being here and living apart or truly living apart. This has all been so hard and unreal --- I think my desire to fight is fading as well. I am not sure the roller coaster is ever going to end.
OK, so my life has been a lot of ups and downs since I last posted. I am dying to hear how it is going living with him and my H's most recent idea is that we live together again, but strictly for the kids. Meaning we would not be working on the marriage. I'm not sure if it is wishful thinking but I do believe there is a part of him that misses me. I have gotten so much better at not contacting him and he continues to try to contact me, often about things that have nothing to do with the kids. I'm not reading too much into that though, I just honestly feel stronger when I don't have any contact with him. This is why I am hesitant to have him move back home. It would be emotionally draining if we were just going to live together as friends and raise our kids. Please tell me how this is going for you!!!!!!
Andy - Well my H was living with me - we started doing dinners out together and then he would do the occasonial night with the guys to watch football and say he was sleeping over because he didnt want to drink and drive. I was trying to be supportive since he said that was one of the reasons he wanted to seperate because he didnt have any outside life. well my world came crashing down this past Monday. The husband of the wife my husband is having an affiar with called our house and left me a message that they were in a hotel room f'ing. Exact words. Then send me their dirty texts. I called my H who had just called me and told me he loved me and accused him of being in the hotel with this women he denied it - I told him I had proof via the email texts. He begged to come home and told him no. I filed for divorce yesterday. He says he loves me - the affair is over (she works with him) but he doesnt know what he wants and doesnt want to work on the marriage because he doesnt want to hurt me or the family again. I dont want to loose him but I tried all of the seperation and it didnt work. I figure let the realty set in of a divorce and see if then what happens. I cant believe it - I knew it was over another women but he denied and denied. Then to come back home and sleep in my bed - YUCK
I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted you to know I read your whole thread. I think the only thing thats worse than being lied to is being lied to about *being lied to* THEN finding out all along, you got duped.
