I'm sorry it's not a good day. Trust in God. Just give it to him.
There are things you can't control, like what goes on when you're not around. Your son will be ok. What would it be like for you to give up thinking about that and think about other things you like to do. Force yourself to think about your H and that situation for a certain time each day, and but not during any other part of the day. Maybe even twice a day for a time, but then to let it go during the rest of the time--setting limites. Do you think you would be willing to do that?
I do think you should get some help from a good counselor. You are allowing this to consume your whole being. Please know, your S is noticing everything, including how you deal with this. This is how he will learn about adult relationships. Right now, you need to know you cannot control the situation with your H and ow. You can only control how you handle yourself.
Do you find time to do fun things with your S? In the midst of the worst of my situation, I would take my S and drive for hours to let him take pictures, sometimes in another state. We had lots of adventures, and even now, we sometimes do stuff like going to the world's longest yard sale, and stopping in at state parks to have lunch. I didn't want him to be consumed by mine and his father's problems. Now he has wonderful memories of us traveling on day trips, and doing things his F would not have found as interesting. Please think of the impact on your S, and of the harm it is doing to you, if you continue to let this invade your every waking moment.
Well, you know they say that hindsight is 20/20. So, even though you asked your H to leave, you can do what you can to make yourself become the kind of person he would want to come back to. What can you do to at least open a line of communication between you and your H? He already knows how you feel about everything, so to bring that up each time you do manage to speak to him, is not helping. I am not sure you are really trying. As for holding it against your MIL, if she is ill, that might just be taking up most of her thinking. I mean, a lady who needs round the clock care is hardly going to give her full attention to this.
Re your house, do you need to sell it? Are things okay now, financially? Because you are right, you would probably get nowhere near what your house is worth in this current market. As for you D your H, and him marrying ow, is she or is she not still married to her H? Does she have kids?
And this does not have to be a no win situation. You have to first want to help yourself if your situation is going to change for the better. You really have to want it. And then develop ways to make it happen. It isn't going to just happen. It won't be easy, but if you REALLY want it, you can do it.
the ow is still m i think. she told her h a month ago that she was going to d him in Jan. thats when my h thought would be a good time. No I dont think she was able to have kids, she is 48 now. Thank God she can'tt My h text me before because our health ins got cancel because i forgot to pay it. I had to pay extra to get it back and told h i paid it but not about the extra, it comes out of his business acct. he said he went to get prescription for nasal infection and they declined his card. I bet he is angry at me. I text him 1 hr later that I hope he feels better, he said thx. My life is sometimes unmanageable because of this stuff. I went to my lawyer today and dismissed the divorce. I hope i did the right thing. I cant believe my h asked my son to get him an office chair for xmas. H must think what he is doing is ok. I dont get it. Some people have no conscience. What do you think of that? I had planned on gettin him a cd and sox from son.
There were times when I was so overcome with depression I could not function that well either. I went through my daily activities, but I would forget things like that too--and bills became very overwhelming to me, so I get that. Meds helped me focus quite a bit (is this an option for you?).
I'm very happy that you are taking classes though. I love and hate algebra at the same time. After I was divorced (I came to the board years after my divorce for a different R), I went back for my BS in chemistry, so we have a little bit in common.
So I'm praying for you tonight for you to do well on your test.
Have a great evening. (btw--socks and a CD seem like nice gifts to me)
sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I believe you know in your heart that you are not through, so dismissal of D was the right thing for you to do. If one day you decide you ARE done, you can always file again, but until that day, you are standing for your M, whatever others may tell you to do. Sometimes, from what I hear, it takes several years. But, having no regrets, however it turns out, knowing you did all you could is worth it.
When I first found about my H and ow, I was plunged into a deep depression. I had never felt like that in my life. I let everything get behind, credit cards, utilities, mortgage, life insurance, everything. I was so depressed, I could hardly keep my eyes open long enough to drive my S to school, and drive back home, I almost drove off the road once. All I did was sleep and cry, and pretend everything was all right. So, I understand how hard it is to deal with thoughts of H and ow, and still try to carry on with daily stuff. Getting a notebook to write everything down in, due dates of all bills, account numbers, passwords, amounts due, etc., is one thing that helped me to start getting back on track.
It sounds like, if your H texted you thanks when you said you hoped he felt better, that he isn't mad at you. How long ago was that? Recently? Remember, any positive communication is good. You don't hate him, do you? So, try to get a chance to begin some small communications with him, show your positive side to him.
I guess your H figured you would get him the chair for S to give him. Unless your S is making a really good salary at his after school job. Those chairs are not cheap. I know, because we need one, because S is in the habit of leaning every which way, and ends up destroying them. We have gone through two of them in three years. I say socks and a cd are good gifts, too.
