Am I piecing? Just can't tell...

[Sad_but_happy]

Sandi,

This is not a fight with you, it is a discussion. This is going to sound very angry but trust me I'm really not angry at all. These are just some of my feelings. And thank God for this board because I get to vent here.

If I sound arrogant, GOOD! You know why? Because I DO deserve to be treated better and SHE IS lucky to have me and I AM a good person and I AM a good father.

I am not an arrogant person in any way shape or form... And I don't think my W would say that I am. But this process absolutely hardens a person. Our walls go up because of not only the hurt of the initial betrayal but the days and weeks and months and years following it because the WAS is usually unrepentant.

And I have every right to question why I would be attracted to HER! Isn't that what she is doing? I don't feel she's less of a person though I understand it came out that way. But this process does make one question the qualities of the other person. The WAS opens themselves to this microscopic analysis of their character and their flaws...

And there ARE some things I would love to point to that would make me say WOW, I love this woman and I want her because she is so sweet to me, or she ML in a way that makes me feel great, or she is so kind or she is there for me through thick and thin. But SHE took even those things away by having an EA and then questioning if she is in love. So yes, she has opened herself up to be judged much like she judged me.

And lastly, all WAS seem to forget one thing! That problems in a marriage are caused by two people! BOTH people not meeting the needs of the other person. But then what happens? The WAS does something even MORE WRONG! Now not only are they not meeting their spouses needs, they are also cheating, lying, sneaking and giving themselves to another person. You WAS's are so consumed with all YOUR hurt and what YOU are missing. It almost justifies the wrong that the WAS does.

This wrong is no longer 50/50... This once mutual wrong is now 90% wrong for the WAS and 10% wrong for the LBS because of what THEY CHOOSE to do. I realize in DB that we are not supposed to say or think this but let's at least be honest here...



And I love this:

"I have read over and over how you express what a great H you've been, and in so many words you are saying that she is is lucky to have you! Oh really? Maybe that is why she was turning to some man who appreciated her. Ever thought about that?"

She turned to another man because she is weak! That's the only reason. It's classic to place any portion of the blame on the LBS but I am convinced that her "turning to some other man" is 100% HER FAULT as it was 100% YOUR FAULT! No one makes anyone do anything. If you want to find love elsewhere, be honest, tell your H, and seperate or D. Don't sneak, lie, and cheat and then look at your S and say, "this is your fault"... WRONG!




Now as far as affection, I appreciate your honesty. I will cut it back more and let her come to me. I think you are correct there. I DO want my family and I WILL work as hard as I need to get my W back!

Thanks Sandi