I'm worried because I know his complaint was I wasn't there for him emotionally, but surely he can't Still expect the same support once he's left me for someone else.....right? God this is so hard!!!
The OW husband came looking for my H last night. He was banging on next doors window at around 10.30 in the evening, I was homebut in ned and didn't hear anything. He was asking questions like how old is he, is he married does he have children? My neighbour answered what she but then he left. Apparently he stood at the end of the drive way looking up into the house for a while then went home. She came and told me this morning. I don't blame him. He must be going through toture too, but I admit I'm a little frightened. The question, what do I do? Do I tell/warn my H? If this man comes round again do I talk to him? Or ask him to leave me alone? Do we work together to try and get both our marriages back on track? What's best?
Apparently OW has told her H about the A. Did your neighbor tell him that your H had moved away?
Some people would say to work with him to put pressure on your H and his W. But my question is this; do you want your H to come back home for any reason other than he wants to be with you and nobody else? Do you want him to end the A b/c he fears for his life? Do you want him to return only b/c OW ended the A? Or do you want him to return b/c he knows he will never love any woman the way he loves you?
I guess there are some who value themselves so little that they would take the WAH back for whatever the reason. I just don't personally think it would last unless he goes back for the right one. Pressure just doesn't seem very attractive, but that's just me.
You don't know OW's H,do you? He may not be an individual you would want to get involved with, right? Something stopped him from going to your house last night. You would have been scared to death if some irrate man came banging on your door demanding information.
As for "warning" your H, what do you want to do? Do you feel that you need to warn him that he may be facing the consquences of his A with a M woman? Maybe I'm cold hearted but I wouldn't help him with this b/c he should have considered the risks. You aren't his mother. And furthermore, I would not offer him safe haven, either. But, that's just me.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you for your reply. Initally I would have had my H back for anything, but I guess that was desperation. I don't want him back now unless I know for sure it's me he wants to be with. Some days I'm so angry I don't know if I want him back at all. He let's me know he "misses" me and still "loves" me, but I can't help feeling he's just trying to keep me sweet. Regarding the OW H I agree I would have felt frightened speaking to him, and you know what, I agree re: warning H. He needs to face the consequences of his actiond like we all do. Thank you. I guess I knew the answer, sometimes you just need to hear someone else say it.
I couldn't go in the work today because I felt so sad. I spent the whole day in bed wishing I was dead. I had found out he had gone to london For the weekend with OW Christmas shopping. It hurt because it was something we were supposed to do, and he posted his photos on FB. I guess there will be photos of the two of them together next. Then I get more messages, "miss you", "thinking of you". But he doesn't miss me that much to have gone to London. We tear ourselves up in side, to the point where we can't bear getting out of bed in the morning, and they just Carry on enjoying themselves like everything is ok. Later I got a message asking if he can borrow the car over the Christmas period. So that was what all the pleasantries were for. For the car. Stupid stupid me.
So sorry for your situation Mrs. B. I called in sick to work today too because my H told me he wanted a D. All this after he moved home in Sept. saying he missed me and loved me. He had moved out for 6 weeks and filed for D prior to that. now after being home 3 months he decides he doesn't have feelings of "passion" for me anymore. I am sure he will end up missing me again once I am gone, but not sure I can ever trust him. His words seem to mean nothing!
You sound very strong and are definitely doing a good job with LRT by not responding to his msgs. It can be so hard. It sounds like your H is trying to keep you waiting in the wings in case things don't end up working out with OW. He wants to have you to fall back on.
I hope you will start feeling better. You are not alone. Hang in there! How are you spending the holidays? Do you have family and friends available for support?
M-34, H-37, No Kids Married 4yr, Together 6yr Discovered EA 7/24/10 Separated 8/6/10 Filed 8/16/10 H Moved home and Piecing 9/20/10 H returns to OW 12/10 EA was really PA I file 12/29/10 I move out 12/30/10
Please go to your doctor and let him give you something for depression. When it gets to the place you are describing, then you must get help.
I won't pretend to know what it's like for you,but I do know depression. It is serious.
You need to get something else centered in your mind. Don't let him be the sole purpose for you living or even being happy. You may have to stop all contact with him if he is going to toy with your feelings by telling you he loves you, while having an on-going A.
Protect yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for your replys guys. It means so much to be able to talk to people who understand the sitch. My friends are supportive but they just want me to get over him and move on, which as we all know is not that easy. I have been seeing a doc who has prescribed anti-d. They have helped but I still get my low days, like the one described above. I saw my C yesterday and described some of the things my H was saying/doing to try and get some insight into what the hell might be going on in his head. she told me if I wanted to get him back I needed to swallow my pride and reach out to him. Despite this going againt the DB plan, as far as I am aware, I decided to give it a go and invited him round for a home cooked hot dinner. No surprises he turned me down and I ended up getting hurt again. I guess he can't be missing me that much............
I'll be spending Christmas with my family. I'm lucky I have them really and I won't be alone. They're all very supportive and I know they will try and keep my mind off things and keep me cheerie. Your sitch hbm is one that worries me immensly, i hope you manage to sort things out and are able to trust him again. I know how hard it can be.
