Running out of time

[AntoniaB]

Wow. That's a huge update. I'm not sure what to tell you other than to be cautious about how much importance you invest in the ML part. The reason I say that is that last year when H and I were separated two months, and he was not involved with anyone at that point, he was over one night to just watch a game with me and we had some wine as we were nervous. After 3 glasses, he started to hold my hand, then kiss me, then all hell broke loose and we probably had the best sex we ever had in our lives. This put us back into a place where we started "dating" frequently, and in retrospect it was probably more about the sex than anything else. Emotionally we were not ready to be in a relationship again (especially him). I still think it was the sex that got him to move back in before he was "ready" to, and later he did say that he moved back before he had figured out "who he was" and that this made him grow to resent me for "making" him move back by laying a guilt trip--I admit I'd say things like "you can have sex with me several times a week and get along with me better than ever but we are paying 500 a month for you to live elsewhere?? And he lasted a few months and then started up the affair with the new coworker.

I think sometimes alcohol and emotions can mix and make for a deadly combination. Hell, my H was drunk the night he decided to make out with the OW, and it was that act that made him to come to the decision to move out, pursue something further with her, and divorce me.

In your case, just be really cautious. I'm not surprised that your H took part in this and a lot of old feelings/emotions came back for both of you and that after, he begins the pullback. Not surprised at all.

As for "running out of time", do you mean you feel you need him to recommit before the divorce is final? Like you're running out of time to get things back to an intact marriage? Well, if you were somehow able to stop the divorce before it got to that point, and he wasn't ready for real, then it would eventually break apart anyway. I almost think you have to let it all play out as it is going to. If the rel. is meant to come back together successfully, it will, even post-divorce. Divorce isn't always the end for some people. I'm not trying to give you false hope, but it sounds like you want to know what to do to get things "right" before anything is final. Believe me, I get that feeling as I'm divorced any day now. But a few weeks ago I gave up trying. There isn't anything we can do. It was their decision to leave, it will have to be their decision to come back. Then, it's our decision whether we let that happen! But there is no magic bullet. You just have to keep doing what protects you and your emotional health, and I'd say the biggest thing you can do is to not place too much faith in the night you had with him. I'd hate to see you get really wrapped up in the promise of that and find out that it hasn't changed anything.