Doing 180, but Husband still researched D

[Nina]

Lisa,
Right now I'm just trying to avoid him getting the lawyer to file the paperwork tomorrow, meaning we will be divorced in a few short months.

Sunday morning I asked to check his phone, I had a bad feeling, there was a phone call attempted to her phone at 2:22am, it lasted 1 sec.
Today I looked at his phone bill & found this:
Sunday the 5th 1:50am text to her
1:54am text to her
Wednesday the 8th 11:53 text to her
Thursday the 9th 1:38 text to him
1:39 text to her
So far there have been no other texts to one another or phone calls.
Urgh!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to do now, is this a concern or not?

Okay Phenix70, I read your thread and appreciate that you spent time reading mine. I'm sending back big hugs to you to let you know I feel your pain. I have two pieces of advice that once I adhered to worked well for me.

First of all, listen to Lisa when she says to avoid discussing the marriage and the divorce, just STFU okay. Don't mean to be harsh, but someone on my thread had to tell this way too. Avoid any discussion about it if at all possible and only respond by telling him that you "stand for the marriage". If he wants the divorce he will have to do it all. Definately educate yourself on what you need to know. My husband told me he wouldn't pay child support or alimony. I researched before we had this conversation and let him know, first of all by law he is required to pay child support and as a displaced house wife I can get maintenance for half of the time I spent being a homemaker. He also told me that the judge would determine support by looking at my market value. I have a bachelors degree he does not. They do not go by market value, only by what I am presently making at the time; which isn't much. So, definately educate yourself, but keep it to yourself that you visited a lawyer.

Second, stop checking his texts and computer history. You are only hurting yourself by doing this. He is leaving the knife out and you are picking it up. Don't do it, because it hurts. My husband talks to the OW for hours on the phone and they are always texting one another.He does it in front of our kids too. Once I stopped spying, which spying is a DB don't, I felt better. It takes a little while to discipline yourself, but believe me you will feel better. So stop yourself. Erase the computer history before viewing so you are not tempted to look. Just say no! Don't drink the koolaid!:)

Last peice of advise to help boost your esteem and maybe take your mind of your marital woes. Keep on making friends. Also, I have to say having a few male admires (frieds with definate boundries and distance) can help too. Compliments and peaked interests from the opposite sex helps to build esteem and confidence. Just be sure your primary support group are women. They are the ones you go to when you feel your worst. Friends of the opposite sex are there when you are feeling good about yourself and when you are strong. This way you don't loose sight of saving your marriage, but have a chance to allow yourself to have your ego boosted. I have a few male friends I just started talking to. They now know my husband has asked for a divorce and is in an emotional affair, but that I am determined to save the marriage. So they respect my boundries and know that I am still on board with my marriage. Their compliments and subtle flirtyness actually helps to give (me) you a break from thinking about (my) your marriage and (my)your husband.

I hope this helps. Hang in there and be sure to let the Lord lead you.

God Bless!