I do think you should get some help from a good counselor. You are allowing this to consume your whole being. Please know, your S is noticing everything, including how you deal with this. This is how he will learn about adult relationships. Right now, you need to know you cannot control the situation with your H and ow. You can only control how you handle yourself.
Do you find time to do fun things with your S? In the midst of the worst of my situation, I would take my S and drive for hours to let him take pictures, sometimes in another state. We had lots of adventures, and even now, we sometimes do stuff like going to the world's longest yard sale, and stopping in at state parks to have lunch. I didn't want him to be consumed by mine and his father's problems. Now he has wonderful memories of us traveling on day trips, and doing things his F would not have found as interesting. Please think of the impact on your S, and of the harm it is doing to you, if you continue to let this invade your every waking moment.
