Boundaries with Love

[Concerned_Listener]

I think I am going to stay in town with my W for the holidays. It's harder for her to spend a weekend alone over Christmas than it is any other weekend, for various reasons. She would feel abandoned if I travelled out of town.

Financial pressure is higher this week. My car needed two new tires, and a hose broke in a hard to reach spot. I had to rent a car for work this week. I wrote a check for the dance competition, and my W secured a hotel room. Two dance competitions per year may be the limit. This is getting to be an expensive hobby. My W is upset about spending personal money for another dance lesson package. I wrote her an email trying to offer support for the next package, and she read something else into it, and has been accusing me of expecting her to pay for dance lessons. I wonder if my W and I should sit down with a financial professional to get some clarity and direction.

Her pattern over the past year has been to sign us up for trips and studio events without asking me. When her personal account is low, I hear about it and am blamed for expecting her to pay for things. I could have done without most of those trips.

She's threatening to quit her job this week. She's in blaming, complaining, nothing is right mode. I don't know what to do to help her. When I walked in the door last night, she jumped on me for hoarding pens in the basement.

Our dance practice went well after yoga class yesterday. Practice sessions after an exercise class seem to work the best. At home, she gets settled, and is surrounded by problems. I insist on 30 minutes, and we went well beyond that. Our Foxtrot is starting to come together. It's was an enjoyable time together where we worked as partners. It gives me hope that we can apply the same to other problems, besides dancing. Yesterday's practice sessions worked, because of my leadership in structuring the practice times, being prepared for practice, and having a vision of what I wanted to achieve.

CL