Mixed messages from husband

[Nina]

Wow! I am blessed just to have you all as part of my support system. I hope that in some ways that I can help you all too.

Today was the most crazy coincidence. You will and maybe you won't believe it. The church I went to today I have been to only two other times. It isn't close to my house, as I live in the suburbs and the church is in the city. Anyhow, my husband shows up at the same time as me and the kids. I run into the family friend who is meeting us there and together we walk in and drop off my son and his friend at youth services. My daughter wants to sit with ther dad at during the service so we meet him at the front of the church. I smile and tell him that I am glad he made it. All the while I was feeling terrified about my emotions.

-Last night, my father-in-law sends me a reply to an e-mail. He tells me to read from Proverbs 3:5-6 = which speaks to trusting in the lord and not man's (my own) understanding, and letting God lead and guide. and 1Corinthians 13:3-8 - which speaks to what love is and what is does not do. Initially, I had read Proverbs that morning and was avoiding reading Corinthians because I knew what is spoke to. In any regard, I read and re-read both. My father-in-law calls me. We talk. He is a minister, so he minsters to me about how my husband and I both checked out of our marriage and are equally responsible for its demise, which I do not deny. He points out to me that I let my emotions get the best of me and I need to put them in order if I want to save my marriage. He advises me to be humble and unconditional. He tells me to show love to my husband no matter how mean and cruel my husband behaves to me and more importantly to spend time on taking care of me and my relationship with God. That night I pray. I ask God to help me to have the strength to show unconditional love to my husband even when I am at my worst. That morning, I wake up and begin to work out; but my heart tells me I really need to spend time in prayer and re-reading those verses. I do both. After reading I decide I need a reminder to help my stay on task. The day my husband asked me for a divorce, I took off my wedding ring. I told myself the next time I put it back on it would be because I had a purspose to do so or that my husband put it back on my finger. I decided, my reminder to show love to my husband would be my wedding ring and I slip it on my finger. My husband calls and says that he will attend but will be a few minutes late. I have aligned DB'ing with my spiritual beliefs. I dress nicely and put a smile on my face. It is my goal to show him I am happy and moving on and I am fine with it all. I feel better about the mourning.

At church I join my friends and my daughter sits up in the balcony with her father. I turn to shake hands with the people around me and worship begins. As we are in the middle of singing a song I began looking around at the people sitting near me. I stop and look at a woman I think I recognise. My heart beats faster and my stomach begins to burn. I say no, that can't be her. She looks a bit out of shape and not as I remember her. I tell myself, "no, no way its not her." She turns just enough that I can see more of her side profile. It's her, the OW! I am stunned. I turn to my friend, as she knows everything and I wisper in her ear, its her. She says "where?" She holds me tightly. I am in shock.

She is there. I began thinking to myself, WTF is she doing here. How could my husband invite her here? How could he do this? He must have told her to come or that he would be here. My thoughts began flying all over the place. I look down at my wedding ring. I recall the two bible verses and DB'ing. Do not be provoked. Be happy and be positive. Be confident, be loving no matter what. Do not lean in my own understanding, trust in the Lord. My stomack begans to turn, but I maintain my composure. Service ends and we meet up again with my husband as our D will be leaving with him for the next couple of days. I get my son and his friend from youth services. We go to the parking lot and the whole time I am happy, pleasant and up-beat. I tell my husband that I hope he has a great day and we exchange hugs (my initiative).

I made it through the day. I feel dazed and at that point am still in shock. I know my husband saw her from where he sat. I know he knows I saw her. Was it a coincidence or was it her plan? Who cares, it doesn't matter. I maintained my composure and kept the promise I made to myself. I followed the Lord's to give me strength and the DB techniques together to finally pull myself up by the boot straps in the face of adversity! Ha! I felt good about myself. Not to mention, I am in much better physical shape than she is. I have no spare tire and my ass isn't flat. Ha Ha. Not that that is important, but it still helps.

Thank you Lord!!