Bob, I understand. yes you are making progress its just frustrating slow unfortunatley. I avoided conflict by lieing to my H, to give myself the time work things out with out him blowing up at me. She is being honest with you and telling you she has comunicated with him.
Do yourself a favor and drop the dates of communication issue. You already know she talked to him for that two hours and she is denying it. she is trying to be honest with you and at that time she lied to you about it becuase of how angry you were about the whole thing. She now cant go back on that lie and admit and then have to go through the interogation of what all was said during that 2 hours. do your best to let that past go she obviously dosnt feel comfortable with going there with you.
Also I suggest for your sanity you stop communicating with the om W. all that does is give you more to be mad about and you dont need to be involved or focussed on them. Right now you need all your energy focussed on you and your personal behavior changes you are working on.
Come here and vent here dont bottle it up to the point you explode on her, my H had the same problem!!! every time he exploded on me he felt better getting it all out but it pushed me further away.
You realize you can not control her so quit trying it will just frustrate you more and give you more to hold in. Its like me with my situation. My H is an alcoholic he knows drinking creates trouble for him and us. However as much as I dont want him to drink I can not control wether he does or not. I look at it as his problem to deal with not mine. If he makes his life more complicated by drinking well thats his problem I cant help him there no matter how many times I request he stop. same for you.
Have you read my words of wisdom from daily readers thread? check it out if you have time there might be somethings there can help you. I think many hear can replace the unfaithful spouse where it refers to the alcoholic in the Al-Anon readings. Al-Anon realy helps you to detach from others actions and stop trying to control them. Also go back to the begining of this thread and think of it that way as you read about detaching vs controlling.
the sooner you quit trying to "control" your wifes actions the easier things will be for you to deal with the problems at hand. look at her problem with the om as her problem (even though you are affected by it) he is her addiction. So often that situation is compared to an addiction becuase the infatuation can be strong and feel like an amphetimine high. He is where she ran from her problems to and escaped her pain, she is still in pain and turmoil so for her he is the medicine she self medicates with and she is the one that needs to realize that. thats why I sugest she have personally counseling as well.
Hang in there, I do understand your feelings. I came here and read so much to understand what my H was going through because I thought he was being rediculous and I could only see things from my side.
