Thanks for the advice AW and NM. I hope that it is guilt that is causing him to act that way b/c he makes it seem like it is just me and that is not helpful to my self esteem. I need to start thinking in a way that his moods and reactions don't affect me. In order to do this I need to really focus on a happy life without him. NM I love reading your thread and how you are venturing out into the dating world. I feel so far from that point now, but it is good to hear that with time I may feel ready. I am the same age as you with a child about the same age. Do you find men receptive to you having a child?
The OW wrote my H lots of letters and cards. Most of them I asked him to throw away (don't think he really did) but one letter I kept, as evidence of the A I guess, not that it matters. I am in a no fault state and so the fact that he had A's means nothing. I used to not be able to read the letter without getting sick. Then I went through a period where it would make me so sad, seeing the relationship that they had. Today I was amused/angry. The letter was written after her h found out and she writes how "dealing with all of this sh** has made her stronger. " It was just an interesting insight into the brain of the AP, that they think they are suffering. That she can really think that her hurtful actions are making her a better/stronger person. And I really felt, for the first time, that even though it may not seem like it, with everything I am going through, but I would much rather be a betrayed spouse than an affair partner or a walk away spouse.
