XH is off his pedestal and I'm moving forward

[glamgirl]

GAG my memory is a bit fogged but this is what I remember.

"Has H told you what he was thinking during this time?"

My h said he was in a fog and really confused and doesn't really remember much from the time he was away. He said he was a selfish person and that he has to live with his decisions the rest of his life. He also said that he didn't completely walk away from me, because he wanted to see if I changed and if he could possibly make our M work.

I'm also curious about when the 6+ month period that you referred to occurred? It appears from your signature that it was almost 4 years after the bomb before H came home.

My h was gone 3 years and 9 months, but who was counting. Ha Ha!The first 12 months he was so angry. I did all the begging pleading etc. to come home. Tried going dark, dim, everything. Nothing would bring him home. He even filed a restraining order against me and it was later dropped.

After a year that he was gone I tried the kindness route. Now it took about 6 months of this kindness treatment before my h warmed up to the idea of MC.

We started MC in 1/08. Now again he began that not because he wanted to reconcile, but to be able to communicate with me about the kids. It was during this time we got closer and closer. Now he always came over to visit the kids and never took them to his place. I had no idea where he lived and with whom. H also started AD's towards the end of the year on advice from MC.

2009 was our building year. We spent more and more time together. H Celebrated all holidays together. Went on date nights/days. Started a business together. H came over about 5 days a week. Lots of showers, sex, dinners and just plain having fun.

2010 h was coming over 6-7 days a week. I announced that 2010 was the year of New Beginnings for me and it was. Moved from our home, lost my job, and h came home. Yeah for New Beginnings!

I also started to feel different towards my h in 2010. I wanted a husband not some guy that pretended to be my husband but didn't live with me and the kids. I decided my life was going in a different direction.

I let h know my plans. I was moving forward without him. I was praying for my h regularly and for him to come home throughout this crisis. God told me to stop praying for him to come home, but to pray for his salvation and to cast out demons from him.

I consider myself to have a strong relationship with God and did what I felt the Lord was leading me to do. Well, h walked in the door 30 days later and I think because we had a good relationship already it was easier to pick up from there rather than this akwardness of not being together for years.

This was not an easy path for me. I was NOT good at biting my tongue and I did speak out many many times how what my h was doing was wrong. Every time h went scurring back into the tunnel. It didn't help for his return. In fact I am sure it delayed it for a long time. I just wanted my h to know he was wrong. Well, sometimes we just need to think differently.

I do believe that me treating my h with kindness helped. Now he didn't exactly run home, but it did path the way for him to eventually come home. I tried to think in terms of how would God want me to treat my wayward spouse and not how I really wanted to treat him. Even if my h never returned, I wanted to remember that I gave it my all in the M and took the high road despite all the pain my h imposed upon me.

God is great! H and I are attending church every Sat. This is the first time in 10 years that my h has stepped foot into a church. I am excited that through all of this the Lord was there for me and that now my h has a desire to know the Lord. Each month of rebuilding gets better and better.