Ggirl, thank you SO much for sharing your insights here! It really helps to hear the nuts and bolts of how this played out for someone who has made it to piecing. I have been doing thoughtful things for XH since I began DB'ing over 2 years ago, so hopefully he will notice if/when I feel the need to pull back (walk away) myself.
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
God was so great and when I was at my lowest he would show me some sign to keep going and going and going.
Thank you for writing this! It is good to be reminded of this. It DOES seem as though it takes an incredibly LONG time for them to marinate!
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
Also, even when my h was flirty, we were having sex, going out on dates he STILL wasn't coming home. He didn't come home until I was finally done with the relationship, BUT I think that the foundation was laid for him to return by all the above and he didn't want our M end.
I have wondered this myself. Thank you for confirming that it CAN happen this way.
Originally Posted By: seeking answers
Your XH may go quiet as he tries to process his feelings.
Seeking, well..........it looks like I didn't scare XH away with my flirting on Wednesday evening. I kinda let it all hang out and thought XH might pull back.........but inspired by everyone's feedback here, yesterday I emailed XH to say that I'd found a place we could play TT next week (our regular place is closed next week) and he accepted, so we're playing TT on monday evening! We emailed back and forth a bit.............and he even said he may be able to play the following week, even though after our last TT game he acted as though he couldn't play the week of New Years...........so it sounds as though I haven't scared him away with my flirting.
Today I bought a black and white fine plaid fedora hat with bits of teal in the pattern and a nice teal knit scarf to go with my black woolen trench coat. I have grey eyes so whenever I wear blue, my eyes look really blue..........XH always said I looked good in fedoras........so I will wear this when I see XH on monday. I decided that wearing a fedora would give me an excuse to play with my hair (homo sapiens' mating signal) in front of XH while I'm taking it off and putting it on.
HopeZ, welcome to my thread! I have to ask......are you British? Just asking because of your word choice ("flirty bits"). When I read that I immediately had a vision of Hugh Grant saying those words.
Originally Posted By: hope for zen
Wonder if it is possible to flirt and be dark at the same time?
HopeZ, I'll bet that you could flirt while being "dim", rather than "dark". Maybe choose to use suggestive words in an innocent way in your texts and e-mails. Just a thought.
For example, yesterday I e-mailed XH "I think silver-tongued Mr. GAG could talk them into letting us roll the (TT) table into that room......" and I changed the font color for the word "silver" to silver font and bolded it, thereby drawing attention to that word and the word "tongue" that followed it.
At the end of the e-mail I attached a photo I had taken of XH at our last TT game (he was wearing a long woolen coat with street shoes and bare legs) and wrote: "I LOVE this photo of you! The blurred hands and coat make it look as though you just flashed the Daisies. ;-)" In this case, "The Daisies" is a club for young girls and is a reference to an inside joke that XH and I shared.
that followed it. 
