feelings as OW seems to be on way out

[forward]

SL, Well, I guess you can never say never. But X would have to make up so much ground that I would not see things happening.

In thinking over the R, I was always the one who wanted X a little bit more than he wanted me. I felt, to quote the wife of the S. Carolina governor whose marriage went up in flames over an affair, ugly and unwanted after the OW.

I don't see him ever extending effort for me. I am not talking about material gifts. I am talking about being a priority and about seeing that demonstrated through actions. I really just don't think that's ever possible. I have contemplated whether X might have a personality disorder. It is possible.

I wrote in my journal that I wanted to be with someone who was in a family photo and looked like he wanted to be there--instead of sulky and resentful. And superior to everything.